


In Your Eyes

by elphabachan



Series: The Ghost In You Universe [3]
Category: Left 4 Dead, Left 4 Dead 2
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-16
Updated: 2012-07-27
Packaged: 2017-11-07 20:36:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 28,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/435181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elphabachan/pseuds/elphabachan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nick's promiscuous past catches up with him, and he's afraid to admit it. Could this sudden surprise throw a wrench in his and Ellis' relationship?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hard Candy Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, Valve does. I wish I did though.
> 
> Note: This does take place in the GHOST IN YOU universe (post GIY), but it's stand alone and not a direct sequel.

It was a chilly December day in Washington D.C., and Nick was getting ready to go into work. With the holidays coming up, and winter setting in, FBICE was a fairly quiet place to be, so he didn’t anticipate a very hectic day. He could go into work, be there nine to six, and then head home to see his fiancé and cat. Less the cat, more the fiancé. He was going slow, as he wanted to spend at least a little time with Ellis before they parted ways for the day even if he’d see him that night. Not that he’d say any of that out loud, or even admit it to himself, necessarily.

“You better hurry or you’re gonna be late for work,” Ellis said as he tied up his boots.

“Please, work begins when I say it begins,” Nick said as he tied his tie. He studied himself in the mirror. “My agents can take care of themselves until I get in, they have enough to do. I’m really just a glorified babysitter. Or principal.”

“If you say so,” Ellis said, standing up from the bed and walking up behind his lover. He rested his chin on Nick’s shoulder, and smiled at him in the mirror. “Can I bring the tree in from the garage yet?”

Nick arched his eyebrow at the snuggling. Ellis did love to snuggle, especially when he was trying to get something. “Is it a week before Christmas?”

“Noooo.”

“Then no,” Nick said, glancing to the side and grinning haughtily. Ellis huffed, and bit his shoulder gently. “You have two weeks, just chill.”

“But I like havin’ the house be all decked out for Christmas the entire month of December,” Ellis pouted, Back in Savannah his Mom and extended family would put up decorations the day after Thanksgiving. He would have hoped that there would have been some leeway for their first real Christmas in D.C. The previous Christmas was very sparse as they had just moved and lost track of everything else. Outside of watching ‘Scrooged’ on the TV while drinking very rummy eggnog and meager gift exchanges, the two of them had barely acknowledged the holiday. It had become clear that Ellis was going to change that this year.

“Well I don’t want your tacky crap all over the house until a week before,” Nick stated. “As soon as it’s the 18th feel free to go to town, lights, reindeer, elves, whatever. But give me some time to adjust to that idea, okay?”

“Hmph, you’re no fun ya Grinch,” he said, and massaged Nick’s sides.

“I’m SOME fun,” the Assistant Director replied, and turned around in Ellis’ embrace. “I did let you buy all those gaudy lights after all.”

“Heee, yeah, ya did,” Ellis nodded, draping his arms over Nick’s shoulders. “The 18th it is. You just wait.”

“I’m intrigued and terrified to see what you’ll come up with,” the older man smiled, and pecked him on the lips. Ellis smiled into the kiss, and nodded.

“You just wait, it’s gonna be like Christmas back home,” he stated, and looked at the clock. “Damn…I gotta go. But I’ll see ya at six. An’ maybe tonight I’LL try an’ make YOU dinner!” He let go of Nick, ready to head into the garage.

“Please don’t burn the townhouse down,” Nick said, snarkily, and Ellis slapped him on the ass as he walked out of the bedroom. “Hey now!”

“Later!” Ellis called, and trotted down the steps. He stepped over Dalton, who preferred to sleep at the bottom of the staircase, and chuckled at the cat. He was about to step out, but then paused, and put a hand to his head. “Hey Nick?!”

“Yeah?” the voice called back from the upstairs.

“If you have time, can you pick up the wedding invitations today? They’re printed and ready to go!”

Nick rolled his eyes. Of course Ellis hadn’t gotten them. He said he would, but was a bit absentminded about such things. Nick wasn’t sure why he expected anything less from his soon to be husband. So he sighed, and nodded to himself.. “Sure,” he replied, and shook his head. Wasn’t like he wanted to eat a leisurely lunch anyway.

“Thanks! Have a good day! An’ I won’t touch the decorations!” Ellis called, and left the townhouse.

Nick had a feeling that when he got home the tree would, in fact, be up. Which he could probably deal with. So long as he didn’t have to help decorate it.            




He ran a comb through his hair, thinking that if the tree would be up he’d have to wrap Ellis’ gifts (just so gifts for HIM weren’t the only things beneath it). Okay, so buy wrapping paper, pick up the wedding invitations, go get Francis a last minute gift….

Fuck, he thought. Between Christmas at the end of the month and the impending nuptials in early March, a lot of time was going into sentimental mushy stuff that Nick didn’t care to think about. At least come the end of March things would be pretty much back to normal, save a couple of wedding rings on his and Ellis’ fingers. That was all he had to aim for.

He ate a fast breakfast of coffee and Special K, fed the infernal cat, and was about to head out, but as he was putting on his jacket his phone began to ring. Figuring it was work, he answered it.

“Nick here,” he said, his informality notorious with those under him at the bureau.

“Is this Nicolas?”

“Yes,” Nick said, snorting a bit. Had he not said ‘Nick’ when he answered?

“Nicolas the FBICE agent?”

“Yeeeess?” he said, rolling his eyes. Lord, only two sentences into a conversation and he was already irked.

“….. This is Gwendolyn Hill of St. Louis, Missouri,” the voice said, a bit sterner now. “I believe that you know my daughter.”

“Huh?” Nick asked, balancing the phone between his shoulder and ear as he left the house and began locking it up. “Lady, I haven’t been to St. Louis in about a year and a half. Like, September of last year.”

“Do you remember my daughter, Becky?”

“…. Becky…. Becky…,” Nick said, sort of trying to remember. There were so many people he’d ‘met’ in Saint Louis. “…. Oh, wait, blonde, twenty five, aspiring actress?”

“Yes.”

“Yeah, sure, I remember her,” Nick said, wondering why he was even on the phone still. “Nice girl. Is she looking to call in some kind of favor from FBICE?” When he’d approached her in the bar he and Francis were loitering in he’d given her his card. He’d always done that back in the day, mainly because it made him seem important. Importance was key when trying to get someone back to your apartment. And plus, back then the cell phone service was so spotty around the country he rarely had to hear from them again. Not if he didn’t want to.

“Not exactly,” Gwendolyn said, tone making it clear she thought the very implication was insulting. “You left something here.”

Nick furrowed his brow as he got in the car. What could he have possibly left behind? “Huh? Like what?” he asked, flippantly.

“Try your daughter.”

“….. What?” Nick asked, at first incredulous, thinking this woman was completely batshit insane. “Lady, I don’t HAVE a daughter!”

“You most certainly do!” Gwendolyn snapped. “I’m looking at her right now! She’s six months old, sweet as can be, and yet NOT my responsibility!”

Nick slumped down in the car, and it was then that his stomach lurched. No. No no no, that wasn’t right.

“…. Ms. Hill, there has to be some kind of mistake,” he said, taking a more polite tone with her, if only because he was about to panic. “… There’s no way that that… that that happened! I-! It’s never-!”

As he stammered a bit, he heard Gwendolyn huff. “Nicolas, I suggest that you start believing that this did, in fact, happen. Do you want a picture? How do I take pictures on these stupid phones?”

He didn’t answer, still trying to process this. This couldn’t be right. There was just no way this could be right. As he listened to her gripe and mutter at the phone, he suddenly heard a beep on his. He pulled it away, hoping that it was a signal that this was some kind of dream and that it was time to wake up. Instead, it was a text from the number he’d just answered from. And as he shakily opened it, there was, lo and behold, the picture of a little baby girl in a high chair, toy starfish in hand (and mouth), and large, green eyes. Much like his eyes when he was a six month old.

“…. Son of a bitch,” he murmured, and put the phone back to his ear. “…. Ms. Hill?”

“Yes?”

“…… Where’s Becky?” he asked, putting two and two together since this baby’s grandmother was calling him, and not the mother herself.

“….. Nicolas, I suggest you come out to St. Louis as soon as you can. There’s a lot to talk about.”

Nick felt like he was going to pass out. It was strange. Not ten minutes ago he was convinced that the biggest sidetrack would be going to get wedding invitations, and that it would only take him about forty minutes, maybe an hour. Now he was told that his entire life might have just been sidetracked. He swallowed, and leaned his head back in the seat.

“….. Is my email still on that card Becky must have given you?”

“Yes.”

“Send me your address. I’ll get on the road in an hour…. I’m coming from D.C., so it may take me some time-.”

“However long it takes,” she said. “We’ll be waiting for you.” And with that, she hung up. He held the phone to his ear a few beats, and then pulled it away, looking at the picture of the baby once more. It was just like looking at a photo of him as a baby, save the pink dress. He clicked out of the photo, not wanting to look at it anymore. Only because he had no idea what he was feeling as he looked at that photo. He swallowed down a sour taste in his mouth, and looked back towards the house. He’d have to pack fast, and make sure to bring his computer, and his cell phone charger, not to mention call Morgan and make up some bullshit excuse as to why he wasn’t going to be at work today, or tomorrow, and probably not until next week. And then he’d have to call Ellis and tell him he couldn’t get the invites….

And tell him what? “FUCK!” Nick yelled, hitting the steering wheel with his fist repeatedly. He raked his left hand through his hair, and gripped the steering wheel with his right, starting to feel the panic rise up. What, exactly, was he supposed to tell his fiancé? ‘Sorry kiddo, can’t pick up the wedding invitations today because I have to go to St. Louis. Seems I fathered a kid last year, was told to come take a gander.’ Somehow he didn’t think that would go over so well. He closed his eyes, and battled with himself. He needed to tell Ellis something. St. Louis wasn’t exactly a day trip.

He slowly dialed his lover’s number, hand shaking.

Ellis was in the car, singing along to Winger, when he heard his phone start to ring. It was nice living in a city that actually had cell service again. He picked it up. “Yello?”

“… Hey, kiddo,” Nick said, keeping his eyes closed.

“Hey Nick! What’s up?”

“Change of plans, El, I can’t get the wedding invites after all.. I, uh, I actually have to go out of town, unexpectedly.”

Ellis frowned, a bit disappointed hearing that. “Aw, how come?” he asked. When Nick didn’t answer, he immediately backpedaled. “Oh, sorry, work. Of course. Well I understand, now that you’re a high up I know how busy you can get.”

“… Yeah.”

“Well that’s okay, when do you think you’ll get back?” the mechanic asked as he drove, coming to a stop at a light.

“A few days,” Nick replied, voice flat.

“Okay…. Well, call me when you get in, okay? Don’t worry, I’ll get the invitations on my lunch break, we’ll get them all ready to go and out before Christmas!”

Nick smiled at the enthusiasm in his fiance’s voice. “Yeah… yeah, we will.” Assuming things didn’t completely implode by then. “…. I’ll call… I, uh…. love you.”

“Well I love you too, Nick,” Ellis said, smiling a bit. “You okay?”

“Uh huh. I’ll let you go. Call you tonight.”

“Okay,” Ellis nodded. “Have a safe trip! Bye!”

“Bye.”

Ellis smiled as he put the phone down, and changed the radio to the station that was playing Christmas music. “CHRISTMAS TIIIIIME IS HEEEERE,” he sang, a little off key and yet enthusiastically.

Nick hung up, and took in a shaky breath. Please let this be some kind of mistake, he thought. And yet just by looking at the photo, he knew it wasn’t. He looked at his phone again, thumb tempted to dial Ellis, tell him what was going on, ask him to go with him out to St. Louis, for support, for solidarity, for ANYTHING…. But before he could hit the ‘call’ button he chickened out.

And instead called the second most logical choice: Francis. He threw the car door open, realizing that he needed to pack, and waited for his friend to pick up.

“WHAT’S UUUUUUUPPPPP?” Francis answered, clearly knowing who was on the line.

“Pack a bag, you’re coming to St. Louis with me,” Nick said abruptly as he rushed back into the house.

“Huh?!” he heard the ex-biker now bartender shout. “What the FUCK? WHY are we-?!”

“Shh! Keep cool! Don’t say anything, is Ro around? Or your foster kid?”

“Uh no, Ro’s at work and Wednesday’s on her way to school, what’s going on?” Francis demanded. “I can’t just up and leave!”

“I need your help.”

“Listen here Mister Assistant Director, when I said I’d contract for you on occasion I meant I’d do it with PROPER NOTICE. I don’t want to kill zombies in St. Louis, I’ve DONE that-!”

“Not zombies!” Nick shouted, really not needing any of Francis’ flack at the moment. “It’s-! Remember those girls we met up with, like a week before we left that city?”

“We met up with lots of girls.”

“At that dive bar with the weird sports trophies.”

“Oh THAT place! Yeah, what WAS that, like pee wee football pride or something-?”

“FOCUS FRANCIS! The girls!”

“What about ‘em?”

“…. I might have knocked mine up. I have to go to St. Louis and find out.”

There was silence on the line, so much silence that Nick thought that maybe he’d dropped the call, or stunned Francis to catatonia. “…. Francis?”

“Oh hell NO I’m not missing THIS for the world, give me forty five minutes!” his ex-partner hooted, and before Nick could say anything else Francis had hung up. So the Assistant Director put his phone away, and went inside to pack a bag. It was going to be a long drive to the Midwest.

 


	2. The Nightingale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: I should mention that, like GIY, the chapters will be titled after songs in Nick's (and sometimes Ellis') music collection.

The drive to St. Louis was hard enough for Nick with the thoughts of impending and surprise fatherhood on his mind. So when Francis proved to be the exact kind of travel buddy he was back in the day, it might have made the crabby FBICE agent all the crabbier. But there was a certain comfort in the fuckery that Francis would bring with him. Nick would roll his eyes when the former biker would insist on stopping whenever they could to get beef jerky, and would bitch about the music choices the larger man made, and would yell at him when he was backseat driving and squawking about a missed exit (that wasn’t actually missed). But deep down, he appreciated the distraction his best friend could provide. Even if it was usually an annoying one instead of a nice one.

“THAT’S THE HOTEL STOP!” Francis yelled as they pulled up to a fleabag joint fifteen hours after the phone call Nick had received that morning.

“I’m stopping!” Nick shouted back. “CHRIST Francis, THIS is the hotel you called?! I thought when you said you had a place in mind it wouldn’t be a place you’d take a hooker!”

“Hey, I had a lot of fun at this place when we were out here, and it wasn’t with hookers!” Francis groused as the car pulled to a stop. “The beds vibrate, there’s cable, and the continental breakfast is surprisingly good!”

“By surprisingly good you mean it doesn’t have MANY roach legs in it?” Nick bitched. “I might veto this and find another place.”

“No way!” Francis said. “It’s  eleven at night, Suit, we’ve been driving ALL day, let’s just go check in and crash!”

“No, I have to call Gwendolyn,” Nick said, dialing as he removed his bag.

“It’s not like she’s going to let you go over there tonight,” Francis said, grabbing his duffel bag from the trunk.

“I don’t care, I’m calling her, then I’m calling Ellis.”

“And telling him what, exactly?” Francis asked as they walked towards the lobby.

“… Haven’t figured that out yet,” Nick said, putting the phone to his ear.

“THAT doesn’t surprise me in the least,” Francis scoffed.

Nick was going to throw something back, but before he could Gwendolyn answered the phone.

“Hello?” Gwendolyn answered, voice tired but still managing to be rather judgmental.

“It’s Nick,” he said. “I just got into town.”

“I see. Well you can’t come over tonight, the baby’s sleeping.”

“I figured, but… Look, are you sure? You’re REALLY sure that this isn’t just some big mistake, that Becky wasn’t confused, or misremembering?” Nick asked, weakly.

“If you’re insinuating that my daughter’s a liar-.”

“I’m NOT, I’m just asking questions!” Nick snapped.

“-she seemed one hundred percent certain that you were the father. Why would she lie about that? What could she gain by saying that some FBICE agent who was out of her life after a one night stand was the father of her child?”

“I don’t know,” Nick said, wearily.

“We can certainly have a DNA test performed, if that’s what you want.”

“Sure,” Nick muttered, scratching his head. “Yeah. That’s for the best. Just to be sure.”

“I’ll expect you here bright and early tomorrow morning,” Gwendolyn continued. “We’ll make all the arrangements then.”

“But-.”

“She usually wakes up around six or seven. Come by around nine,” Gwendolyn continued, nary  a care for what Nick was saying. “I hope you had a safe drive. And sleep well. It might be the last full night of sleep you get for a very long time.”

Before Nick could ask her to elaborate, she hung up, the dial tone abrupt and mocking. “Bitch!” he spat as he and Francis walked up to the front desk, an expletive that made the female concierge look a bit hurt and worried. Francis shot Nick a look, and smiled at her.

“You’ll have to forgive my friend, he’s mentally ill,” he said. “I believe I reserved a room.” He removed his wallet from his pants and pulled out his credit card. “On THIS card.” He was quite proud of that credit card. It was only recently that he’d gotten one, after Rochelle bitched at him to try and improve his credit score.

“I’m not mentally ill, he’s a compulsive liar,” Nick retorted as she took the card, a bit put off by both of them. She looked from one to the other, and then focused on setting up their room for the night as Nick turned to his friend. “I’m supposed to go over there tomorrow morning at nine.”

“A.M.?” Francis scoffed. “Shit, I’m lucky if I’m even AWAKE by nine!”

“Bum.”

“Hey, I work night hours, it’s part of the job.”

“Look, let’s just get to our room, then I’m calling Ellis and telling him… something… What did you tell Rochelle and Wednesday?” Nick asked curiously. “Where do they think you are?”

“Told them I was going on a fishing trip with a co-worker,” Francis shrugged.

“It’s December!”

“There’s such a thing as ice fishing, dumbass!” Francis snapped. “Whatever, they believed me. Even though Ro knows I HATE fishing, she fell for it. I think she’s just happy that I’m making friends outside of you.”

“But…. You aren’t making friends outside of me,” Nick chuckled as they walked to their room, the door faded and looking worse for wear.

“But SHE doesn’t know that,” Francis laughed, and stuck the keycard in the door slat. He turned the knob, but the door stuck to the frame. He grunted, and forced it open with a swift hip check to the wood. Nick winced, terrified of what he’d find. He turned on the light, and almost groaned. The carpet was shag and piss yellow, there were two beds (both of which did have coin slots), and strange stains on the wall. Nick prayed it was due to water leakage.

“Ahhhhh, I remember it like it was yesterday!” Francis said, grinning at the familiarity of the room in front of him. He dropped his duffel on the bed closest to the door, and threw himself down on the blankets. “Discretion was always the best part about this place!”

“Do you have any idea how many freaking bugs, stains, and STDs are living in those blankets?” Nick asked, horrified as Francis practically burrowed in the bedding.

“I’m sure it’s fine!” Francis scoffed, and rolled about. “I remember one night me and this girl named Tiffany came over here. I could have SWORN we tore the sheets we were so rowdy that evening, oh ho ho.”

“Beautiful,” Nick said, removing his phone again. “Now shut up, I’m calling Ellis.”

“What are you going to tell him?” Francis asked, sitting up on his elbows. “Are you going to say anything about the kid?”

“No, no way,” Nick said, shaking his head vehemently. “I’m not going to get him needlessly worked up when I don’t even know if she’s mine.”

“I saw the picture, Suit, she looks just like you.”

“Psh, how would you know, you never saw me as a baby,” Nick growled, about to sit on the bed but then springing back up. Unless the sheets had been soaked in bleach he was rather apprehensive about making any contact with them. “I might sleep in the car tonight.”

“Suit yourself, I’ll just push the beds together and sprawl,” Francis chuckled as Nick finally dialed Ellis’ number.

He stood in the middle of the room, body tense and face a worried stare. In the entire trip out to St. Louis, he hadn’t formulated a plan. Oh sure, he’d formulated lots and lots of lies, but he didn’t want to lie. At least, not too much, since his entire trip was a lie. He knew that he really should just tell his fiancé what was going on. After all, Nick’s greatest screw ups were always a direct result of lying or withholding important information from his lover, and this was quite important. But Nick was admittedly dreading how Ellis might react to this information. If the tables were turned, he couldn’t honestly guarantee that he wouldn’t throw a fit, or at the very least be incredibly put off. Ellis was a good guy, who loved him and accepted all of his flaws, from the snide and elitist attitude to the scars and missing pinky. But this seemed like it would be worse than all of that.

Back in D.C., Ellis was doing his best to stay awake while he waited for Nick’s call. He knew that his fiancé had a long way to drive, so he’d flipped through the cable stations in hopes of finding something good. When he found an old horror movie with Donald Sutherland and Julie Christie, he figured he’d found something to keep himself awake, but was soon struggling to keep his eyes open. When his phone finally rang, he sat up straight and grabbed for his phone off the coffee table. “Hello?” he said, trying to sound awake and alert.

“Did I wake you?” Nick asked, and Ellis could hear a slight smile on his face.

“No,” he said, rubbing his eyes. “Did you make it there okay? No problems or nothin’?”

“No problems,” Nick replied, sounding tired. “It was a pretty standard trip. Nothing out of the ordinary.”

“That’s good,” Ellis said, settling into the cushions of the couch. “I’m glad you got in safe… How long do you think you’ll be gone?”

“Um, I’m not really sure,” Nick said as he watched Francis roll up in the blankets and flip on the TV. “It isn’t really clear what the situation is out here, but once I get a grasp of it I’ll let you know.”

“Don’t tell me there are Witches out there,” Ellis stated, a bit worried for his fiancé. Nick’s track record with Witches wasn’t exactly stellar.

“No, no kiddo, don’t worry,” the older man smiled, and put a finger to his lips when Francis turned on some loud action movie. Francis snorted, and grudgingly turned it down. “No Witches. When I have more information I’ll let you know, okay?”

“Uh, okay,” Ellis said, a bit confused by that. What information would interest him? Official FBICE business didn’t really pique his interests, just Nick’s safety. “Just be careful out there, okay?”

“I will be,” Nick said. “Look, it’s late there, you should sleep. I’m bushed too. But yeah, I’ll, uh, I’ll call you.”

“Okay,” Ellis nodded, relieved that he was getting a pass to go to bed. “Jus’ call when you know when you’ll get home, okay?”

“Will do.”

“Good. Thanks. Night Nick. Love ya.”

“Night, Overalls, you too.” He hung up, and looked at Francis. “…. How long do DNA tests take these days?”

Francis looked up briefly from the TV, and then turned back to it. “If you go to the right place it’ll take a day. I know that the tests got quicker after the Flu so remains could be identified quicker.”

“How ironic that something that can trace the origin of a life was modified and perfected to identify the dead,” Nick said, and wrinkled his nose as he eyed his bed.  “I feel like I’m going to get the Clap just by sitting on this thing.”

“The good news is you can get a shot for that,” Francis said. “So. Are you going to confine me to the hotel tomorrow by taking the car to check out your bastard?”

“Don’t call her that, Jesus,” Nick snipped, finally sitting down.

“Well since you don’t even know the kid’s name, I’m just going to refer to her that way,” Francis said. Nick rolled his eyes, and began to unbutton his shirt to get ready for bed. “WHOA WHOA, slow down! Heh, I’d imagine this predicament you’re in right now is because you physically couldn’t slow down, amiright?”

Nick threw a pillow at the bartender. It thwacked Francis in the face, and he grabbed it and added it to the pillows on his bed. “Mine now,” he stated, and Nick laughed a bit. “Hey, Suit, just chill. No matter what happens, Overalls worships the ground you walk on. He isn’t going anywhere.”

Nick nodded as he chewed on his thumbnail, and flopped back on the bed. He hoped Francis was right. It was hard to put a lot of faith in a guy who was quoting ‘Point Break’ word for word. He pulled out his phone again, and languidly pulled up the picture of the baby. It was true. He didn’t even know her name.

He rolled over to face the wall. “Turn down the TV, will ya?” he asked. “I’m going to try and sleep.”

“Yup,” Francis said, though the fainter sound didn’t make it any easier for the exhausted FBICE agent to fall asleep.

 

* * *

The drive into the St. Louis suburbs was nerve-wracking and lonely for Nick. Francis had opted to stay in the hotel watching TV all day, not wanting to intrude on Nick’s day trip, and so the FBICE agent had been left alone with his thoughts as he drove into Clayton, Missouri. Back when they were in the field, he and Francis had spent some time in the suburbs of the city, so he vaguely remembered this area. He remembered that some of the more well off people lived here, though he didn’t remember if Becky had mentioned that her family did. He’d met her in a nasty dive in downtown. Not exactly a place where the upper middle class would hang out on a regular basis. He looked at the address and directions he’d been given, and passed a sign for Wydown Terrace. On the right track, he thought, and looked at the houses. Some were clearly post-Flu, new, ostentatious, as if saying ‘fuck you, Infection, we’ll come back bigger and better’. Wydown Terrace was one of the few suburbs to actually survive the outbreak, and it obviously wore that as a badge of honor.

He finally found Crescent Avenue, and looked for 1450, stomach knotting up more and more as he drove. By the time he made it to the green house with the pristine driveway and snow covered trees, he was worried that his breakfast was going to make a second appearance (not that he’d be surprised, as the fruit was questionable and he swore there was mold on some of the bagels he’d passed up). He parked, swallowed down the growing lump in his throat, and shook his head. “Just go up to the door and knock, you big pussy,” he said, and opened the car door.

On the outside it was a very nice house. Who would have thought she came from such an upper middle crust? And now that he thought about it, he knew very little about Becky. Which wasn’t too surprising, since they’d spent one night together with very little talking involved. Aspiring actress from an upper middle class home, how typical. He knocked on the door, and shoved his hands back in his pockets, wishing that he still smoked, or at least still ate those peppermint sticks. He’d long given up both habits, as until now his nerves hadn’t been tense enough to need some kind of anxious release.

When the door opened, he stood up straight as a board. The woman on the other side of it was not what he was expecting. He’d been expecting an old, crabby looking crone in a pink sweatshirt with cats or dogs or something like that on it, maybe wearing slippers and stretch pants. His ideas of the Midwest weren’t exactly glamorous, after all. So when she was rather elegant looking, with faded blonde hair pulled up in a small chignon and a Donna Reed style dress on, he was a bit surprised.

“Nicolas?” she asked, her judgmental attitude evident as she looked him up and down.

“Yeah,” he nodded. “You must be Gwendolyn.”

“That’s right,” she said. “Well, come in, it’s a little cold out here.” She opened the door, and Nick stepped inside. “You can keep your shoes on, just get all the snow off of them.”

“I can take them off-.”

“No, it isn’t necessary,” she said, cutting him off. So he just rubbed his shoes on the rug over and over until she seemed satisfied with them. He looked at the older woman, trying to remember if Becky looked like her. It had been so long, and he had been a little tipsy when he’d met the now-MIA aspiring actress. But there was some resemblance, he knew that much.

“Do you want to meet her?” Gwendolyn asked, no nonsense and without pleasantries.

“Uh, yeah,” Nick said, his poker face out in full force. She nodded again, and gestured to the living room. “Should I just sit-?”

“Yes, please do, Nicolas,” she said as they walked into the sunny space. “I’ll go get her, just make yourself comfortable.” He nodded, and sat on the couch as she left him alone with his thoughts.

There were photos on the walls, of Gwendolyn and her children, and various grandchildren. She always looked composed and regal, perhaps trying to give off an air of superiority. Or maybe just control, being a matriarch who didn’t appear to have a husband anymore. He looked at the photos, trying to pick out the baby, or Becky, or perhaps some clue that all of this was just some detailed and long dream. It was on one of the side tables that he finally spotted a picture of Becky and the baby, the blonde woman holding the child close. Though her face wasn’t too happy. True, there was a smile, though it was stretched and thin, and her eyes said more than her lips did. They were faded, and bored, and almost completely disconnected from the scene. It was quite different from the façade she presented when they met, when she looked lively and seductive and enthusiastic about all things, mostly sex. Well, and her acting career. Because St. Louis dinner theater was where it was at, apparently.

He snorted, and put the picture down. Where the hell was this girl and why had Gwendolyn been the one to reach out? He crossed his arms, and his eyes darted for the door. He could leave. He could just leave, and then maybe Gwendolyn would get the message that he was not father material. Anyone could vouch for that. Even Ellis would grudgingly admit that Nick probably wouldn’t be good with kids, no matter how much the mechanic wanted them. The thought of having that kind of responsibility scared Nick to death.

His leg bounced up and down, and he was about to stand up and at least consider bolting. But before he could, Gwendolyn walked back into the room, carrying the baby in her arms. He jumped up, adrenaline suddenly pumping through him. 

“Nicolas,” she said, gently. “This is Audrey.”

He’d seen her in the picture on his phone a few dozen times, through stolen glances in the car and before going to bed the night before. But seeing her in person was different. He was still thrown, now matter how much he’d tried to prepare for it, and when Gwendolyn bounced her and she finally turned her head around and looked at him curiously, he exhaled. “….. She’s cute,” he said, not really sure of what to say.

“Well of course she is,” Gwendolyn said, and Audrey threw her toy starfish on the floor. Nick bent down to pick it up, and handed it back to the baby. She took it, and threw it again. Nick was going to retrieve it once more, but Gwendolyn laughed. “And in less than a minute she’s already trained you. That’s impressive even for her.”

“…. Where’s Becky?” he finally asked. “Why didn’t she call? Why isn’t she taking care of her?”

Gwendolyn sighed, and brushed some of the dark brown hair from the baby’s face.

“… She isn’t dead-?” Nick began, and the older woman huffed, shifting the baby on her hip.

“No, no she isn’t dead,” she answered, gesturing to the couch as she sat in the chair and set the baby on the floor. “Becky… She’s been like this since she was a little girl. She finds a new hobby, and she falls in love with the idea of it.” She shook her head at the thought. “She would ask my ex husband for a kitten, or a puppy, or ask me if she could take riding lessons, or tap dancing lessons. And we’d indulge her, only for her to lose interest about two months in. We’d end up raising the cat, the dog, paying for the lessons she never practiced for. She gets bored.”

“And you’re saying she got bored with her kid?” he asked, a bit angry all of a sudden, and Gwendolyn shrugged, completely nonchalant.

“I’m saying that when she found out she was pregnant she loved the idea of having a baby to take care of,” she said. “But once she realized it wasn’t something that was going to end any time soon, at least for eighteen years, the bloom was off the rose, as it were.”

“So where is she now?” Nick asked as Audrey rolled around on her back and played with the starfish. That had to be her favorite toy.

“London,” Gwedolyn stated.

“LONDON?” Nick asked. “Are you serious?! What is she doing in London?! HOW did she get to London, the travel restrictions from this country alone-!”

“They make exceptions in certain instances,” Gwendolyn interrupted, pulling a cigarette out of a metal box on the coffee table. “For example, marriage.”

“Marriage? What, Becky met some British guy who happened to make a trip to the Infection ravaged United States?” Nick asked, eying the cigarette. Part of him wanted to ask for one as well. But another part of him was a bit miffed that she was smoking when there was an infant in the house. Especially if she was HIS infant. This gut reaction sort of mortified him, which made him even more determined not to say anything.

“Something like that,” Gwendolyn said, noticing the look he was giving her regardless of how he tried to hide it, and putting the cigarette away with a quick arch of her eyebrow. “A couple months ago Becky went to Chicago pursuing a job opportunity, though I’d call it an audition that ended in disappointment more than anything. She decided to stay for awhile and try more auditions, on my dime, mind you, but that doesn’t matter. Anyway, while she was there she met Matthew one evening, and, according to her anyway, they fell in love in a ‘whirlwind’. Or so she says. It probably helped that he has dual citizenship with the U.K., since he was born there. As soon as he said that he’d love to take her back there, before you could say ‘West End’ she told me she was married in a civil ceremony and moving to England.”

“So why the hell not bring Audrey with her?” Nick asked as the baby babbled and grabbed at her feet. “I have to think it would be easier to raise her with this Matthew guy around.”

“A fine theory, except, according to Becky, Matthew doesn’t want kids,” Gwendolyn replied, scooting the starfish back towards Audrey after it had been thrown at her legs. “Audrey, no throwing. At least, not unless they’re HIS kids. Not that this stopped Becky, of course, the idea of being an actress in London FAR more appealing than being a single mother in St. Louis.”

“Well when did she go out there?” Nick asked, incredulous that Gwendolyn was being so nonchalant about all of this.

“A month ago. She asked me to take care of Audrey, and said she’d try to come out at Christmas,” Gwendolyn stated. “It was when she called a couple days ago and said that she wasn’t coming back at Christmas, and didn’t know WHEN she’d be back, that I decided to call you.”

Nick looked down at the girl, and tilted his head to the side. Just ditched by her Mom. My God Nick, you sure know how to pick them, he thought bleakly.

“I made an appointment at the doctor’s office for ten, we should go now,” she said, standing up abruptly and scooping the little girl up into her arms. “She doesn’t like getting stuck with needles, but what baby does? If you can hold her a moment I’ll go get her diaper bag.”

“I’m not-,” Nick began, but the older woman was having none of it and decidedly set the baby in his arms. He tensed up and held her awkwardly, convinced he was doing it wrong or that she was going to break, and closed his eyes as the grandmother strolled from the living room back into the rest of the house.

“I’ll be right back,” she called. “You won’t hurt her, just hold her.”

Nick opened one eye, skeptically, and saw Audrey looking back up at him, almost as skeptically. If babies could look skeptical, that is. He knit his brow, and swallowed, adjusting her so he had her against his side instead of splayed around in his arms. This adjustment seemed to make it better for both of them, and he gently put a hand against her back, staring at her as if trying to understand her like a puzzle. Kids had never been his forte. That was why he hadn’t had any with Holly, despite her begging, and had never connected with any of the kids who he’d met while being a Z-man. When schools would ask him and Francis to go talk to the kids about their jobs, he would opt out and let Francis do it solo. He’d never wanted to have to deal with little snot nosed brats, even if they were showering him with awe and adulation. He just didn’t GET them.

And though it had never explicitly come up, there was no doubt in his mind that Ellis wanted kids. Until now he figured he’d be able to skate by with excuses and the promise of showering love on Francis and Rochelle’s potential future children as Uncle Ellis. He could have at least staved it off, and MAYBE convinced Ellis that Dalton was enough. But now? He wasn’t even sure of how his fiancé would react. It could be anything from absolute joy to… he didn’t know. Disgust. Disappointment. Betrayal, the list went on and on.

Audrey touched his coat, curiously, and looked up at him with those huge green eyes. She hit the fabric a few more times, and laughed a teensy bit. He couldn’t help but smile at that, even if it was a nervous one.

Gwendolyn came back with the diaper bag and the baby’s coat, and paused when she saw the FBICE agent holding her granddaughter. A very slight smile spread on her lips as well, so slight it would have been missed by all but the most discerning eye. She brought the pink coat over, and Nick looked up from the baby.

“Shall we?” she asked, and Nick nodded, handing her over. “See? She’s still in one piece.”

“Lucky for her.”

“Please. You kill Infected for a living,” Gwendolyn scoffed as she put the jacket on the squirming baby. “You can handle a six month old without incident. Audrey, behave! It’s cold out!” Nick’s eyes narrowed, not sure he liked the tone the grandmother was taking with Audrey, but once the older woman got her bundled and kissed her on the head to show no hard feelings, he eased up. “Shall we?”

“Sure…. Gwendolyn, I’m not…. I don’t do well with kids,” he said, following her out of the house.

“And you think I do?” Gwendolyn asked, sharply. “Something I’ve learned over the years is that you don’t have to do well with kids to take care of them.”

Yeah right, Nick thought. I’m sure my parents thought the exact same thing. But he didn’t say anything. Instead he just looked at Audrey as she nuzzled against Gwendolyn’s shoulder, and smiled again. At least she was cute.

He followed Gwendolyn down the cobblestone walk towards the garage, and she looked at his BMW parked in the street. “Is that your car?” she asked, glancing inside of it through the windows.

“Uh, yeah,” Nick said, watching as she looked inside ever so briefly. “Why?”

“It’s nice, is all,” she said, though the lilt in her voice said otherwise. Somehow Nick felt like she was thinking of something besides how nice his car was. And he wasn’t sure that he liked that. He opened his mouth, about to question why she was actually curious, but before he could Audrey looked up at one of the trees and made an excited noise when she saw a squirrel.

“Squirrel?” Gwendolyn asked, kissing the girl’s head again through her hat. “Squirrel! That’s right, precious.” Nick cracked a small smile yet again, still not totally comfortable with this situation, but unable to keep it in. And he had a feeling that it was going to get harder and harder.

“Balls,” he muttered.

“Did you say something?” Gwendolyn asked over her shoulder as she opened the garage door.”

“Nope!”


	3. Goodbye Girl

It had started innocently enough. Ellis had been settling into a car magazine around 4, after a short shift at the garage, when there had been a knocking on the front door. When he’d opened it he’d seen Jimmy Claxton, one of the neighborhood kids, all decked out in his boy scout uniform under his coat and pulling Christmas wreaths in a wagon. Ellis, having once been in the scouts and feeling a need to support them (or at least Jimmy, since he was a nice kid), gladly bought a wreath, telling himself that he could put it in the garage for now.

Though once he’d hung it on the door (just to see if it would fit or not, of course), he decided that maybe there wouldn’t be any harm in keeping it up. And once the wreath was up, he got to thinking: maybe there wouldn’t be any harm in putting up some lights around it. Just to illuminate it. And once the lights were around the wreath, he thought that maybe he should just get the lights around the living room window out of the way. He didn’t want the house to look oddly bare with one string of lights!

And it was this thought process that soon had the entire house decked out in almost all of the Christmas stuff. After he’d put decals of reindeer up in the kitchen window, Ellis sort of realized what he’d done. He swallowed, looking around suddenly and in abject horror.

“Oh my God,” he said, softly, and sort of shifted in place, not sure of what to do. He’d promised Nick he wouldn’t decorate yet, but he’d spent the late afternoon and into the early evening doing it. Just out of sheer convenience and wasted time he didn’t want to take it all down. But Nick might be mad… What was he to do?

So he called Rochelle and asked her to come over and see what SHE thought. Because he figured that she could either a) help him take it all down, or b) think of the proper spin tactic to use when Nick got home from his business trip.

He was looking at the Christmas village he’d put on the table in the living room when she let herself into the house, kicking the light snow off of her boots and humming Christmas music to herself. “Sweetie?” she called, and walked into the living room. “I like the lights outside- WOW,” she said, once she saw the living room decked out in full yuletide glory. He stood up, a panicked expression on his face.

“Think I got a little carried away?” he asked, raising his eyebrows worriedly. She looked at the stuffed Santa on the couch, and then at the tinsel, and the faux Santa legs in the fireplace.

“Ellis, it looks like Christmas Spirit vomited all over this room,” she said, shaking her head.

 “It doesn’t look THAT overdone!” Ellis protested. “I didn’t put up the tree or nothin’!”

“Yes, because that would have been over the top,” she said, sitting on the couch next to the toy Santa. “So I like how Nick tells you not to decorate and then not only do you decorate, you go Macy’s store window on his ass.”

“Hey! This is how my house in Savannah always looked this time of year!” Ellis snapped, crossing his arms and leaning in the archway to the living room. “And once I got the wreath up, I had to put up the lights, and once the lights were up the stockings had to go up too-!”

“This is kind of a ‘If You Give A Mouse A Cookie’ Scenario,” she said wryly. “If you give an Ellis a wreath, he’ll need to deck all the halls.”

“Har har har,” he said, and snorted. “So what, you think I should take it all down?”

“Hell no, this must have taken you forever,” she said, patting the couch so he’d finally come sit next to her instead of sulking in the archway. “Just leave it up. Nick will forgive you. It will give him something to bitch about. He loves having things to bitch about.”

“Not like Francis doesn’t,” Ellis pointed out.

“Fair point,” she said. “Well he’s gone for a couple more days as far as I know.”

“He’s gone too? Where’d HE go?”

“Ice fishing,” she said.

“…. Ice fishin’.”

“Yep.”

“…… I find that a little hard to believe,” Ellis said, trying to sound supportive albeit doubtful.

“Oh yeah, me too,” she said, nodding. “He isn’t ice fishing. He hates fishing AND the cold.”

“Well aren’t ya worried about where he is?” he asked as she stretched her legs across his lap. “What if he’s in trouble, or what if he’s… What if he’s seein’ someone else?”

“Bitch please,” she scoffed as he leaned against the arm of the couch. “Francis worships the ground I walk on. He isn’t cheating on me. And as for him doing something sketchy or being in trouble, well, if that is the case, and I find out about it, I’ll kick his ass from here to Virginia.”

“So it doesn’t bother you that you don’t know what he’s up to?” Ellis asked.

“That’s just part of who Francis is,” she shrugged. “If it turns out to be really important, he’ll tell me what he was really doing. Until then, as far as I’m concerned, he’s ice fishing. He probably just went off with Nick.”

“Nick’s out of town on business,” Ellis said, shaking his head. “He doesn’t lie to me about these kinda things.”

“Well so long as he gets back in time for Wednesday’s winter musical,” Rochelle said, and suddenly sat up. “She IS the lead, after all.”

“What show?” he asked.

“ ‘Sweeney Todd’. She’s Mrs. Lovett,” she bragged.

“How Christmas-y,” Ellis chuckled, and Rochelle laughed and shrugged.

“How anti-Christmas and how vaguely typecast-y,” she said. “Francis wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“Which is WEIRD cuz he doesn’t seem at ALL the parent type,” Ellis laughed, shaking his head. “But now y’all pretty much have a teenage daughter.”

“Pretty much,” she said. “He thinks she’s cool at least. I think that helps.”

“Francis as a foster dad…. Never thought I’d see the day,” he said, and sighed. “…. So I guess I’m keepin’ this stuff up. But what should I say to Nick to convince him to LET me keep it up?”

“That you pay half the mortgage on this place.”

“Rochelle!”

“Oh, you want an actual argument?” she asked, and he lightly shoved her shoulder as he snickered at her. “You’re on your own, sweetie. Even I can’t think of a good argument to convince Nick that this isn’t too gaudy.”

“You’re no help,” Ellis snorted. “See if WE had a foster kid I could make that argument! It’s for the kid!”

“Well good luck on THAT front,” Rochelle said, flipping around and snuggling up against Ellis fully. “You could make the argument that it’s for the cat.”

“I don’t think he’d go for that,” Ellis said, and sighed as he draped his arm around her shoulder in a friendly manner.

_________________________________

The return from the doctor’s appointment only confirmed what Nick knew in his gut: Audrey was his. Oh how he longed for the days of the DNA tests that took actual time, none of this ‘know in a couple hours to ID remains of the dead’ bullshit. Gwendolyn had nodded firmly at the news, picked up the baby from the floor of the room, and invited Nick back to her place for lunch. Lunch and bonding time with his daughter, no doubt. He drove in stunned silence, trying to figure out just what he was going to tell Ellis. ‘Hey kiddo, I have a daughter who lives in St. Louis with her grandmother who looks suspiciously like Edith Beale pre-‘Grey Gardens’ mental illness'. He sighed, and barely listened as Gwendolyn sang songs towards Audrey on the drive home.

After she’d made them a late lunch (grilled cheese didn’t seem like the best ‘congratulations daddy’ food), they both sat in the living room again, watching the baby as she played on the floor again.

“Never pictured myself as a Dad,” Nick finally said, feeling a need to say it to someone. She nodded as she leaned back in the couch, keeping her discerning brown eyes on him. “Kids and I… we don’t click.”

“Like I said, you don’t have to like kids to be a parent,” she stated, snorting a little bit. “I hate kids. I had five.”

“And you seem like you absolutely LOVE it,” he sneered, incapable of reining in the snark. “And what a bang up job you did too. Raised a kid who then abandoned her own daughter. Mom’s Gold Star.”

She didn’t say anything to that, and Nick wondered if she thought of that fact every day. Since she had Audrey to take care of, maybe that served as reminder. He looked away, not feeling BAD that he’d said it, per se. But he probably wasn’t one to judge.

“….. Why now?” he asked after a few more minutes of silence, glancing down at the baby as she rolled onto her stomach. Impressive, he thought. Not that he knew when that kind of coordination began.

Gwendolyn leaned over and picked Audrey up again. “Because I’m sixty five years old, Nicolas,” she replied, setting the baby on her lap and bouncing her a little bit. “I’m not in any position to raise this baby from scratch. I may not even have eighteen years left in me, and frankly, even if I did, I don’t want to. I’m a grandmother to other grandchildren, I can’t have all my attention on THIS one.” Audrey babbled a little bit, and reached for the starfish again.

“Well what about Becky’s siblings?”  Nick asked, assuming that if there were other grandchildren they had to come from somewhere. Gwendolyn scoffed, and laughed bitterly at the suggestion. “What?”

“My children who survived the Flu have made it perfectly clear they want nothing to do with Becky,” Gwendolyn responded, almost reaching for a cigarette again but then abstaining. She looked down at Audrey, petting her hair with her perfectly manicured hand. “Or her daughter. I have raised five flawed children, to say the very least. As much as I love them. And miss the two who are no longer with us…” She smiled at Audrey, who responded by cooing and waving her arms about excitedly, and Nick smiled in turn.

“Listen, Nicolas,” she continued, standing up and starting to pace the living room. “I invited you out here not just to introduce you to her, or make you aware of her.” She looked back at Nick, her regal and put together face betraying just a hint of regret.

“…. Oh?” he asked, suddenly dreading what she was about to say. He could see it from a mile away.

“No. I want you to take her-.”

Before she could continue, Nick shook his head abruptly, waving his hands in front of himself. “No, I can’t,” he said, panicked. There had been a logical and rational part of him that had assumed that Gwendolyn would have expected some kind of relationship to form. Perhaps child support, a visit here and there. He’d prepared himself for that. He probably would have allowed that, even visited on occasion, for Audrey’s sake, and maybe even Ellis’ sake. But to TAKE her? To bring a baby home with him and turn his life upside down and change everything? That was something he couldn’t see himself doing.

“She’s your daughter!” Gwendolyn spat.

“Yeah, and she’s your DAUGHTER’S daughter, and since YOUR daughter didn’t bother telling me about her AT ALL I think it’s a bit much to spring this on me!” Nick snapped, starting to pace about the room. “Christ, I have a full time job, my FIANCE has a full time job, we aren’t prepared to take care of a baby!”

“And you think I am?!”

“YOU HAVE BEEN!” Nick shouted, loud enough that Audrey jumped a bit and started to cry. Gwendolyn gave him a disapproving look, and shook her head as she murmured in the baby’s ear. He shut his mouth abruptly, and crossed his arms in one swift, bitter movement. “… As you can see I’m not good with kids.”

“It’s different when they’re your own,” Gwendolyn said, kissing the top of the baby’s head as she started to relax a bit, no longer startled. “It’s something you learn as you go.”

“She isn’t some hobby or class! I can’t learn as I go with her,” Nick stated, shaking his head.

“You can, and you will,” Gwendolyn stated firmly. “I can’t give her the life she needs. I can’t raise another child. I just can’t. She deserves a better life than having a ‘parent’ who can barely keep up with her.”

“How do you know that I’m what she deserves?” Nick demanded, watching Audrey play with the necklace around Gwendolyn’s neck. “You don’t know anything about me! Outside of what your daughter told you, you don’t know SHIT about my life! How do you know that I’m a good person? How do you know that I would even have this kid’s best interests at heart?”

“… You came, didn’t you?” Gwendolyn asked, calmly. “You didn’t know if I was telling the truth, you didn’t know if Audrey was yours, it could have been a scam, or a trick, or my daughter hearing about your work in D.C. and hoping to extort you. It could have been any number of things.” She bounced the baby in her arms, kissing the side of her head as Nick watched both of them, panic slowly subsiding just a little bit. “And yet you got in your car, drove all day and then some, and came out when there was the CHANCE that you had a daughter who needed you. That’s more than Becky would have done for her. That’s more than I can do for her. In my opinion, you’ve passed muster. She’d be better off with you.”

Nick chewed on his lip, still scared out of his mind and completely intimidated. But at the heart of himself, he knew that Gwendolyn was right. It wasn’t fair for her to have to look after Becky’s kid full time. And Becky clearly had turned her back on the girl in favor of a more independent and potentially more glamorous life. If her family wasn’t going to take Audrey in, that really left only him.

Now Nick was fully aware that he was a selfish bastard. Perhaps not as selfish as he had been in the past; the Flu, losing Ellis (temporarily, but losing him), a Witch attack, and a severed finger had humbled him quite a bit over the years. And he knew that being with Ellis had only made him a better person, a more thoughtful person. Even if he was still a sarcastic, egomaniacal jerk, he was a GOOD sarcastic, egomaniacal jerk.

And because of this, he knew in his heart of hearts that there was no way that he was going to leave this baby behind. As much as taking her made him feel sick to his stomach. Say goodbye to life as you know it, Nicolas, he thought.

“….. You do realize that if I take her, you may not see her again for a really long time,” he pointed out, feebly.

“I’m aware, thank you,” she said, remaining stoic and flippant even. “I know what I’m doing is for the best.”

“Is that what you’re going to tell Becky when she asks where her daughter is?” he wondered.

“That’s exactly what I’m going to tell her,” Gwendolyn replied, nodding resolutely. “…. So I will pack up all of the things that you can take-.”

“Wait, I’m taking her NOW?” Nick asked.

“You certainly are,” Gwendolyn responded, voice back to icy. “When did you THINK?”

“I thought that I would be able to work a few things out back home! Make a room for her, arrange time off work-!”

“Tell the little woman back home?” Gwendolyn sneered, eyes narrowing. “Afraid that she isn’t going to understand that you sowed your oats a little irresponsibly before you met her?”

“Believe me, HE is fully aware of my past,” Nick growled, the pronoun visibly throwing the older woman for a loop. “But I would like to give him a little notice and explain some things-.”

“You’re taking her, Nicolas, and you’re taking her now,” Gwendolyn insisted, handing the baby off to him definitively. He cringed as he held his daughter, and her sudden fussing didn’t help matters.  “She’s YOUR child. You can’t run away from her.”

He exhaled, unable to help the panic flavored bile that was rising up in his throat. “I don’t know how you expect me to do this!” he groused, just holding her tighter to try and get her to stop squirming. “I can’t do this,” he breathed. “Gwendolyn, I can’t-.”

“I said it once and I’ll say it again,” she interrupted. “You kill Infected for a living. She won’t give you nearly as much trouble as they do.”

Audrey kept crying, and Nick tried to hand her over to her grandmother. But Gwendolyn stepped back, holding up her hands and shaking her head. He huffed angrily, wishing she would just take the kid from him, and tried to replicate what SHE had done when Audrey had fussed earlier. He gently bounced her in his arms, shushing her and saying half hearted ‘It’s okay’s and ‘Calm down’s.

Once he’d stopped squeezing her too tightly, Audrey’s tears began to still, and she reached out and grabbed a clump of Nick’s hair in her hand, as if trying to sort out who this person was holding her. He made a face as she pulled on it, but snickered a little bit nonetheless. “Hey,” he said, quietly.

Gwendolyn watched her granddaughter in the FBICE agent’s arms, and Audrey babbled a little bit as she pulled on Nick’s hair. He scrunched his nose up as she continued to grasp at it. “You’re kind of grabby,” he grumbled, not entirely comfortable with this still. He turned to Gwendolyn, and nodded in defeat. He tried to keep Audrey still, but holding her was still novel to him and he was having a hard time. “So what are you sending with me and what is coming later?” he asked, giving in. He was taking her. He didn’t really have a choice in the matter. And even though technically he DID, he felt like he didn’t. Or couldn’t let himself have one.

Gwendolyn exhaled gently, relieved that he had finally agreed to it. “I’ll pack up the essentials, and can send other stuff later,” she answered. “You’ll have to get a crib yourself, this one is for my daughter Natalie. She’s having a baby in February, so-.”

“Sure,” Nick nodded, knowing arguing would get him nowhere. “Just pack up the bare minimum and don’t bother sending anything else. She doesn’t need anything else from YOU. Save it for your other grandkids.” The resentment in his voice surprised him, because it wasn’t based on the fact he was saddled with a kid now; it was based on the fact that Audrey was pretty much being thrown out like refuse. Like she wasn’t fucking good enough. Well fuck that.

His words visibly pained Gwendolyn, and her dark eyes averted to the floor as she stood up straight. “I’ll go pack her things,” she said, voice quiet, and she left the room. Nick shook his head, and looked out the window on the snowy winter day. He bounced the baby, and looked at his daughter, who was now dozing against his shoulder.

“You sure got a raw deal, didn’t you?” he asked the tired girl. “…. Boy are you lucky Ellis loves kids.”

Assuming Ellis would stick around after finding out about her. Nick hoisted her on his hip a bit better, and carefully pat her back.

Gwendolyn returned shortly thereafter, carrying a couple of bags. “I packed up a weeks worth of clothing, a couple packages of diapers, formula, baby food, and her favorite toys. The starfish is there, as is a teddy bear she loves and her quilt… I made her that quilt.”

“Don’t want to pass it on to another grandkid?” Nick sniped, and Gwendolyn let the bags drop to the floor.

“You shut your wise-ass mouth right now,” she snarled, the fierceness of her tone making Nick shut right up. “You think this is easy for me? You REALLY think this is easy?”

“…. Um, no?” he tried, stunned.

“She’s my granddaughter,” Gwendolyn said, words shaking. “You can think what you want of me, and Becky, and my family and how this situation is being handled. But don’t you ONCE think that I don’t love that little girl and that this isn’t very, VERY difficult.” She was practically shaking, as if staying in control was physically making her weak. “I’m doing it not because I WANT to, but because she needs it. That’s what you DO when you love someone. You do what’s best, even when it feels like part of you will never recover because of it.”

Nick averted his eyes, finally seeing how painful this was for Audrey’s grandmother and feeling slightly guilty for calling it into question. She crossed her arms, and took in a deep breath, trying to go back to being calm and composed. “Some pacifiers are packed too, along with formula-.”

“You mentioned formula,” he said, voice a bit more sympathetic this time.            

“Of course,” she stammered, pressing at her hair like some nervous tick. “That was one of the first things I mentioned, wasn’t it? I think that that’s about everything. Unless you can think of anything?”




“Car seat?” he asked.

“Oh yes, I can show you how to set that up,” she nodded, slowly gaining her composure once more. “We’ll have to bundle her up again, though. Can’t let her go without her coat and hat.” She reached over and pet Audrey’s hair again, this time the affectionate smile tinted with undeniable sadness.

Nick watched as she put the car seat in his BMW, holding the sleeping baby close to keep her warm. It seemed fairly straight forward, though he might need to read the directions online if he ever had to set it up again. Once the seat was secure, and once the bags were thrown in the car, the time that both the adults had been fearing arrived.

“…. She gets fussy if she doesn’t get fed on schedule,” Gwendolyn listed, hoping to give Nick as much information as she could. “She likes fruits well enough, but not so much veggies. Even if she spits the vegetables out, she’ll eventually eat them. You just have to be persistent.”

“Great,” Nick said, the thought of spewing baby food just another headache he’d have to deal with.

“You’ll have the best luck with the sweet potatoes, she likes those the best,” Gwendolyn continued, shivering a little bit in the chilled Missouri air. “Make sure she gets cereal for breakfast. Babies need a variety, you know.”

“No I don’t,” Nick said, solemnly.

“Well, you’ll learn,” she replied, and caressed Audrey’s head through her pink hat. “Audrey… Wake up, baby, Grandma wants to say goodbye.”

Audrey opened her eyes at the touch, and pushed off Nick’s shoulder a little bit, looking at Gwendolyn with tired eyes. Gwendolyn held her arms out, and Nick handed the baby off to the older woman, who hugged Audrey to her chest and closed her eyes. She moved from side to side as she held Audrey, brow knit and lips in a vulnerable frown, and she kissed the top of her head. “You be good,” she said, pressing her forehead against Audrey’s for a moment before handing her back to her father. Nick remained stoic, because even though he didn’t know Gwendolyn very well, he DID know that she wouldn’t appreciate any other reaction. So he’d give her respectful silence.

Gwendolyn huffed sharply, and crossed her arms. “You take care of her,” she said, and he nodded slowly. “She deserves to be taken care of.”

“I know,” he nodded. “What, um… What ARE you going to tell Becky?” She had to find out sometime. Even if she was in the other hemisphere, she would no doubt call some day soon and ask where her daughter was.

“I told you this. I’ll tell her that she’s in good hands,” Gwendolyn stated, matter of factly.

“You keep saying that, but you don’t know,” Nick scoffed, though he was holding Audrey a wee bit tighter now.

“Sure I do,” Gwendolyn smiled sadly. She placed her hand on Nick’s arm, and squeezed it. “You’ll know soon enough too. And you have my number if you have any more questions.”

“Yeah… I, um… We can always come out and visit,” he offered. “I don’t know how much, but… Or send cards, and updates…” He shifted awkwardly, and looked at his car. God he wanted to escape, he hated this sentimental shit. He never knew what to say.

“I’d like that,” she smiled. “Either way…. Bye, Nicolas.”

“… Bye Gwendolyn,” he said, and she turned around to walk into the house. Audrey saw her walking away, and pointed at her, making concerned noises. Though it wasn’t said, he had a feeling that Gwendolyn wouldn’t be able to watch them leave. So he didn’t question it as she walked into the house, and closed the door, leaving him alone with the now alarmed baby. He exhaled, and looked down at Audrey. She was looking at him a bit questioningly, obviously wondering where her grandmother was and still making urgent noises. “… Sorry,” he said, genuinely feeling sorry for the baby, and leaned in to place her in the car seat.

Audrey, as if actually understanding that she wasn’t going to see Gwendolyn again, began to cry, reaching towards the house again as she was strapped in, and Nick closed his eyes, shutting the door to the backseat and climbing into the driver’s seat. He started up the BMW, and did his very best to ignore Audrey’s tears as he drove away from the house. No matter how annoying they were. Or, more likely, how heartbreaking they were.

For the first time in a very long while, probably since he’d been kidnapped by Creevy so long ago, Nick felt completely in over his head. And as he and his crying daughter drove back towards the motel, he wished more than anything that Ellis was sitting next to him in the passenger seat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It occurs to me that this is kind of Nick centric thus far, but I guarantee that it won't be like that later. More Ellis and more Nellis is coming up!


	4. Take Me Home Tonight

Francis was watching reruns of TOP GEAR on the TV in the motel room when he heard the lock to the room click and buzz. He didn’t feel a need to look up from the TV, and when the door opened he said “So how’d it go? The bastard yours?”

“Look up and tell me what YOU think,” Nick snapped, and when Francis did look up he saw his best friend carrying a baby on his hip. Francis’ jaw dropped, an incredulous scoff leaving his mouth.

“That’s a baby!” he snapped, flipping off the TV.

“WOW. Brilliant deduction, Dupin!” Nick snarled, as Audrey looked around the room curiously.

“Who?”

“It’s a Poe character.”

“You know, a normal, non-snobby name would have been Holmes.”

“Shut up and help me, there’s stuff in the car for her,” Nick spat, and Francis stood up from the bed. “It’s just a couple bags in the back of the Beemer.”

“You got that girl pregnant!” Francis said.

“HOW did you fall back ten steps?” Nick exclaimed as Francis looked Audrey up and down.

“Well I didn’t fall back ten steps but I didn’t really believe it until now!” Francis exclaimed, getting in really close to Audrey’s face, so close that she pulled back in Nick’s arms and squawked in fear.

“You’re scaring her!”

“I’m not doin’ anything!”

“Your FACE must be doing it,” Nick said, and Francis flipped him off as he looked at kid at more of a distance. “I am so boned.”

“Why did you bring her back here, and WHY does she have ‘stuff’ in your car?” Francis asked, holding out a hand and poking her nose.

“Because I’m taking her home with me,” Nick replied, and Francis gave him a look of absolute horror. “What?”

“You never told me you were bringing her HOME with you!” the former biker snapped.

“Well I didn’t KNOW that I was taking her home with me, I thought it was just a confirmation and maybe a settlement on child support,” Nick said, as Audrey started to squirm. He set her on the floor, and she began to roll around in exploration.

“She’s like some kind of armadillo or something,” Francis said, and Nick snickered at the comparison. “But hey, hold on! I never would have come with if I knew that we’d be driving cross country with a BABY in the car! That sounds like murder!”

“Well it’s not like you have much choice now, now do you?” Nick sneered, keeping an eye on her to make sure she didn’t find something she shouldn’t. Lord knew Francis had all his crap strewn about the floor. “Would you just keep an eye on her while I go get her stuff?”

Francis snorted, and nodded in exasperation. “FINE,” he groused, and sat down on the bed, arms folded across his chest defiantly. “Ever hear of using a condom?”

“She said she was on the pill!” Nick snarled back, slamming the door behind him. Francis shook his head, and looked down at Audrey as she rolled onto her stomach and gazed up at him.

“I hope you inherited common sense from some kind of distant ancestor, cuz it sounds like neither of your parents have any,” Francis said, and she cooed as she continued to roll about.

Nick came back with the bags, and closed the door again. “Did she get to the other side of the room on her own?” he asked, impressed by the distance she made.

“She’s speedy,” Francis shrugged. Nick shrugged back, and set the bags down. “Is that all her stuff?”

“It’s all the stuff I was willing to take from her grandmother,” Nick replied, unzipping one of the bags. “Big stuff I can get when we get back to D.C. And the less that wacko family gives her, the better.”

“Whatever, handouts are always okay by MEEE, because then you don’t have to pay for it,” Francis stated, always one to state the obvious. He leaned back on the bed again, and chuckled. “I must say, I’m not so much as surprised that this happened, I’m more surprised it didn’t happen earlier.”

Nick scowled at him as he picked Audrey back up off the floor. She whined for a moment, as she evidently didn’t like being told when she could and couldn’t roll around, but once he laid her on the bed and surrounded her with pillows and suitcases, she seemed content again. Even if she couldn’t roll as far.

“…. So do you want me to leave the room so you can call Motor Mouth?” Francis asked.

“Um… No, I’m not… I’m not going to call him,” Nick said. “Not about this.”

“…. Correct me if I’m wrong, but you ARE planning on telling him, right?” Francis asked, and Nick snorted.

“Well of course I’m going to tell him, I have to bring her home don’t I?” Nick asked, downright surly. “I just-!... I don’t think that telling him about this over the phone is the best way to do this.”

“But you DO think that telling him about it when you have the squirt right in front of his eyes is?” Francis asked, raising his eyebrows.

“I feel like I don’t have much choice in the matter,” Nick replied, still standing over the bed and stealing quick glances at the baby to make sure she wasn’t going to break through the pillows and topple off the mattress.

“Well sure you have a choice! You can call him right now and tell him!”

“No! It isn’t something to tell over the phone!” Nick snarled, and Francis scoffed. “It isn’t!”

“It was something to tell him right out of the gate!”

“FRANCIS!” Nick yelled, losing his temper. “I KNOW! I know, okay? I don’t need you telling me because I’m WELL aware! Since when do you fucking care what I do and don’t do in my relationship with Ellis?”

“Since I practically married his best friend and have to listen to HER bitch about you day in, day out when you do something fucking stupid!” Francis replied, losing his temper too. “You should have HEARD her back in Roanoke II, man! All the time, she was lucky she was pretty and gave great head because I might have dumped her otherwise!”

Nick was going to throw something back, but before he could Audrey started to cry again. This time it had to be because of all the scary loud noises the two weird men were making. He put a hand to his head, and mouthed a few choice swear words. “I can’t take this,” he murmured. “I CAN’T take this, this is the worst goddamn thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“…. God you’re an ass,” Francis said, shaking his head slowly. “Fucking seriously? I can think of many worse things that have happened to you. She’s a baby. She isn’t a Witch tearing your chest open or a crazy guy maiming you.” He stood up from his bed, and picked up the baby. He bounced her a little bit, making faces and talking to her in baby talk. The very sight nearly floored Nick, who was staring with his mouth open and his eyes wide. Francis got her to calm down, and turned to look at Nick. “What?” he growled.

“I’m sorry if I’m staring, but where the fuck did you learn to do that?” Nick demanded, flabbergasted that his hulking friend knew how to soothe a crying baby.

“My half sister had kids,” Francis replied, voice hard. “And it isn’t brain surgery, Suit, so stop assuming it is.”

Nick crossed his arms and averted his eyes to the side. Feeling like he’d properly shamed his best friend, Francis looked at Audrey. “Okay, pipsqueak, I’m willing to bet you had a long day,” he said. “So let’s get you fed, get a crib in here, and put you to sleep.”

“Crap, a crib,” Nick said. “I should go to the front desk and see if they have any.”

“I’ll handle that, Nick, you take your kid,” Francis said, and handing her off to the FBICE agent. Nick winced, but held her. His friend was right; it wasn’t brain surgery. “Be right back. I’ll bring you back a candy bar, you had a long day too.” Francis left the hotel room, and Nick sucked a breath in through his nose. He glanced at his daughter, who started to squirm again.

“Please give me a break,” Nick said, vaguely insulted that she was fine in Francis’ arms but in his she was antsy. She started to whine again, and he was about to put her down and walk away. But instead, he fumbled for his phone with his free hand. Something needed to calm her down, and since he still wasn’t feeling that paternal instinct kick in, not fully, he looked for something else.

He turned to the music collection on the phone. Ellis had pestered him to change from vinyl to mp3 for awhile, and though Nick had been reluctant to do so he did give in. A little bit anyway. He put some of his favorite songs on his phone, under protest and after much grousing. He didn’t really listen to them, but he could at least tell Ellis that he had, in fact, converted.

So he quickly pulled up the first calming song he could find, settling on Peter Gabriel because why not, and held it up for both of them to listen to. “Come on, Audrey, just listen and calm down,” he begged.

Maybe taste in music was genetic in her case, because her whines and tears began to dissolve as the music played. She huffed, and reached for the phone, little hands grasping at it. Nick was reluctant to let the tyke hold it, but gave in if that was what it would take to assuage her. She fumbled with it, and listened, starting to babble at him.

“Eighties music: what can’t it do?” Nick asked, and smiled at her. “Peter Gabriel to the rescue!”

When Francis returned with a crib about fifteen minutes later, he found Nick and Audrey sitting on the bed listening to the music on the cell phone, Nick sort of singing along if only because it seemed to ease her even more when he did (or so he told himself). She shrieked with glee as he waved the phone in front of her, and he laughed at how enthusiastic she was about such simple things.

“See? Not brain surgery,” Francis said, closing the door behind him, and Nick looked up, drawing his eyebrows together sheepishly.

“She has good taste in music,” Nick said, and saw the rickety looking crib. “Oh God no, she’s NOT sleeping in THAT.”

“Well where else is she supposed to sleep?” Francis asked.

“It looks like it’s going to fall apart!” Nick exclaimed. “Jesus, what did I expect from a place that is predominately used by hookers and johns?”

“Hey, I was never a john here!” Francis bit, and shook the crib. “Look, it’s fine! Perfectly steady, it will hold up for one night!”

Nick looked at it skeptically, and was going to say something, when his phone started to ring. He looked at it, and saw it was Ellis. “His timing is impeccable!” he grumbled, and picked up the phone from the bed. Audrey reached for it, and Nick yanked one of the diaper bags open and tossed her her starfish toy. She squealed, and began to chew on it as Nick stood up to leave the room.

Once he was in the hallway, he answered. “Hello?”

“Okay, so here’s the thing,” Ellis led off with, and Nick raised his eyebrows. “I might have decorated the house today.”

“… Huh?”

“It’s just cuz I wanted to support the Boy Scouts (and I know you hate the Boy Scouts but I was a scout, Nick!) an’ I got a wreath, but then it needed lights. An’ once I got the lights around the wreath I needed to put them around the windows, an’ now the place is all decked out an’ Ro is here an’ she said I should tell you. So… I’m tellin’ ya.”

Nick paused, momentarily irritated that his fiancé had ignored his decorating stipulations. But he then remembered that he had no leg to stand on when it came to relationship foibles. Not right now. Especially since Ellis had called and owned up to it like what he’d done was the worst thing in the entire world.

“But I don’t wanna take ‘em all down, even if it didn’t take long to put them up, cuz I mean I’m just gonna put ‘em back up anyway, right?” Ellis rationalized. “I’m just real sorry I didn’t listen to you, I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

Nick smiled gently at Ellis’ apologies, and sighed. “It’s fine, Overalls,” he stated. “There are worse things in the world outside of Christmas decorations.”

There was a pause on the line. “Okay, what’s goin’ on?” Ellis asked, voice skeptical. “I was expectin’ you to go off on me, COMPLETELY off.”

“Well I guess it is the Christmas season and it’s not like we had stuff up right after Thanksgiving,” Nick said, hoping that would quell his lover’s curiosity. “You showed restraint as long as you could.”

“…. Right,” Ellis said, voice still hesitant, but Nick knew he was going to take it at face value.

“So I’m coming home tomorrow,” Nick ventured, and he heard Ellis hoot out.

“Yeah? That’s awesome! Things out there must not’ve been as bad as they thought if you only had to stay out there for one day!” he chirped, and Nick chewed on his lip. “…. I mean, it wasn’t as bad as you thought, was it? Oh my God, is it REAL bad and now you gotta go back at a later date for a LONG time-?”

“No, no, nothing like that,” Nick said, trying to think of a lie. But before he had to, Ellis sighed in relief.

“Well that’s good!” he said, cheerfully.  “Oh hey, so Ro’s here for the evening, she says ‘hi’. Wednesday’s at rehearsal for the play and Francis is ice fishin’.”

“Oh?”

“Well come on, Ro knows he isn’t REALLY ice fishin’, he’s probably out doin’ somethin’ stupid,” Ellis scoffed. “He should just figure out that she won’t care what he’s doin’ with his time as long as he isn’t cheatin’ and as long as it isn’t illegal.”

“Well ice fishing was a pretty suspect alibi,” Nick said, hoping Ellis wouldn’t start to figure out that maybe Francis was out there with him. “I’m sure whatever it is, it’s nothing. Or if it is something, he’s, um, doing it for a reason.”

“Well that doesn’t really make any sense, just cuz Rochelle’s his girlfriend. He can tell her anything, he should know that by now,” Ellis said, the frown audible. “That’s just relationships 101 right there, you know?”

“…… Yeah,” Nick replied, stomach knotting up. “….. Look, I’m going to be home tomorrow night, I want to leave St. Louis around seven in the morning so that means I’ll get home around… tenish our time? I think?”

“Alright! I’ll do my best to be home!”

“Where else would you be?” Nick asked, grinning.

“Well I might go out with some co-workers for beers, I don’t know,” Ellis replied.

“Yeah, just try and be home. We have stuff we need to talk about,” Nick said.

“Well can’t we just talk about it now?”

“No, it’s not something to talk about over the phone.”

“……. Nick, you’re kinda scarin’ me,” Ellis stated, voice suddenly worried.

“Don’t be scared,” Nick answered, trying to sound reassuring even though he was the one who was scared. “It isn’t about the Christmas decorations or anything, you aren’t in trouble, I’m not dying, I’m not being transferred, it’s nothing like that.”

“Okay,” Ellis said, voice still a little meek. “Well, are you sick?”

“No, kiddo, I’m not sick,” Nick sighed. “Nothing life threatening.”

Just sex life and social life threatening.

“Okay, if you say that it’s nothin’ bad, it’s nothin’ bad.” Nick heard him sigh shakily. “Well good. You’re comin’ home tomorrow. That’s good news in and of itself.”

“Yeah,” Nick nodded. “… I have to go, I’m tired, and you have company-.”

“Okay,” Ellis agreed. “Well, call me on the road tomorrow, even if I don’t pick up leave a message just so I know you’re okay. I’ll make sure that dinner of some kind is ready-.”

“Please don’t burn the townhouse down,” Nick teased.

“You always say that,” Ellis laughed. “And I won’t. Love you, Nick.”

“You too, El.” Nick hung up, and ran his hand down his face.

When he walked back into the hotel room, Francis was waving the starfish in front of Audrey’s face and raising his voice as best he could. “Whoa ho ho, Mister Starfish is going for a walk,” he said, bopping the toy on the comforter. She cooed, reaching for it, and Nick laughed at the other man. Francis looked up at him, and scowled. “What?! YOU were busy talking on the phone! IIIIIII had to entertain the pipsqueak!”

“Mister Starfish, eh?” Nick smirked, and closed the door.

“She seemed to like it just fine,” Francis said, turning back to the girl and making more faces. “So what did you tell Ellis?”

“Nothing. I just told him we had something to talk about,” Nick said, examining the crib suspiciously. “Also, Rochelle knows you aren’t ice fishing.”

“DAMMIT,” Francis moaned. “I HATE it when she catches me in a lie!”

Nick moved the bags out of the way and sat on the bed next to Audrey. She turned around and grabbed at his shirt, babbling up at him cheerfully. She had undoubtedly calmed down and gotten in higher spirits. Nick knew that was probably all Francis’ doing. Who knew the biker was good with babies? Nick’s best friend was still full of surprises. He raised his eyebrows at her, then looked back at Francis. “Do you know how to feed babies too?” he asked, knowing she’d be hungry soon.

“Well sure,” Francis boasted as she pulled herself up onto Nick’s leg, or at least tried to. “Again, not rocket science.”

“Thought brain surgery was the comparison,” Nick said, looking down at Audrey. “Why is she trying to climb me?”

“She’s a baby. They’re weird,” Francis said. She certainly was.

But the more time he spent with her, the more endearing it was to Nick. So he let her crawl up onto his leg, and once she had, he actually pulled her up and let her sit on it, keeping one hand on her stomach to keep her balanced. He picked up the starfish, and handed it to her.

“Rocket surgery,” Francis said.

“Huh?” Nick asked, looking up at his friend.

“I combined the two things into one. It’s not rocket surgery.” Nick laughed, and bounced her on his leg just a little bit.

“Yeah, I guess it isn’t.”

 


	5. Boys Don't Cry

Just as Nick and Francis had predicted, driving for fourteen hours in a car with a six month old was a trial. While she slept part of the time, when she was hungry, or needed a diaper change, or just plain HATED being strapped down, she would whine and cry. It was as if she wasn’t asleep, she was sobbing. And while that wasn’t completely true, to the two men in the car it certainly felt that was the case.

Eventually they figured out that pacifiers were their friends, and once they’d ‘plugged her up’ as Francis put it, she finally unwound enough to just sit quietly in the backseat. Nick would look at her through the rearview mirror, and whenever they stopped to get Francis more beef jerky he would try and entertain her. To his best abilities anyway. He certainly wasn’t going to turn into World’s Best Dad overnight. He’d just shake a rattle at her or play tug of war with the starfish, but that seemed to mollify her enough.

By the time they made it into D.C., both Audrey AND Francis were fast asleep. Nick thought that he might have been tired, but he was too knotted up and freaked out about going home and facing Ellis to feel any fatigue. He pulled up outside Francis and Rochelle’s house, and parked the car before thumping his friend in the chest.

“ACK!” Francis exclaimed, leaning forward and being stopped by the seat belt. “Fuck! Dammit, Suit, you can’t just tap my shoulder?!”

“Could I ever?” Nick asked. “You’re home, buddy. Thanks for taking this trip with me, now get out and enjoy your freedom.”

“You’re exaggerating, once she stopped crying it wasn’t THAT bad,” Francis said, though he was admittedly ready to be home.

“Regardless, you’re home now,” Nick said. “Now remember what I said, don’t tell Rochelle.”

“Yeah yeah yeah, I won’t,” he said.

“No, I mean it Francis, do NOT tell Rochelle,” Nick repeated, firmer this time. “The last thing I need is you telling Rochelle so SHE can go and tell Ellis!”

“You’re going STRAIGHT home, Suit, I think you’ll have opportunity before she does!” Francis scoffed, opening the car door. “Stop being paranoid. And TRUST me. I know how to handle my woman.”

“Yeah right,” Nick scoffed right back. “She knows how to play you like a violin. Or in your case a tuba.”

“You can eat me, I won’t say shit,” Francis said, closing the door and then tapping on the window. Nick sighed, and rolled it down so Francis could lean inside and rest his arms on it.

“Yes?” he asked, and Francis shrugged.

“… Good luck is all,” the bartender replied, gruffly.  “I know you have potential to catch hell when you get home.” He craned his neck to look at the sleeping baby. “But she sure is cute. I’m sure Motor Mouth will fall in love at first sight.”

“We’ll see,” Nick murmured, skeptically. “… I hope you’re right.”

“Yeah, well, call me tomorrow, okay?” Francis asked, and held out a fist towards his friend. Nick smirked, and bumped his own with his best friend’s. “And if you need a couch to crash on, you know where to find one.”

“Assuming Rochelle doesn’t ban me from your house.”

“She doesn’t get all the say,” Francis said. “I’m sure Wednesday would vote on MY side.”

“I don’t know,” Nick said, but shrugged. “….. Yeah, I’ll talk to you tomorrow man. And, uh… Thanks. It was cool of you to come out.”

“Like I said, I wouldn’t have missed THAT karmic practical joke for the world,” Francis snickered. And with that, he pushed away from the car and walked up the path towards the house. Nick shook his head, and began the drive to the townhouse. He just hoped he wouldn’t have to pull over to throw up.

Francis removed his coat as he walked into the house, calling out “Brrrrr! It’s COLD out there!” He walked into the living room to see Wednesday playing on the Xbox 360. “Hey Wednesday, where’s Rochelle?”

“Upstairs,” the teenager said, before pausing the game and smiling cruelly at him. “You’re in trouble,” she sang.

“Psh, I don’t see why,” he shrugged as Rochelle walked down the steps. “Hey cupcake! Look who got home from his fishing trip early!”

“And it looks like you didn’t catch ANY fish!” Rochelle said, leaning against the wall along the staircase. “Now why is that?”

“Ehhh, you know me, I’m not really the outdoorsy type,” Francis stated. “So tell me, baby….” He walked up to the step she was on, and wrapped his arms around her small frame. “You miss me?”

She smiled, and kissed him a couple of times. “Sure, I missed you,” she nodded, and slinked her arms around his large back.

“Damn right you did, bet my side of the bed was extra lonely while I was gone,” he said, and chewed on her neck a little bit.

“Gross!” Wednesday called from the living room.

“Deal with it, you’re seventeen for God’s sake!” Francis called back, and Rochelle giggled.

“You’re funny,” she purred.“You know what else is kind of funny?”

“Hm?” he asked, spanking her rear a little bit.

“Heee, careful… By complete coincidence, Nick gets back in town today too,” she said, tilting her head to the side. “Did you know HE went out of town?”

“Uh, no,” Francis said, smiling nervously. “No no no, he didn’t tell me anything about going out of town.”

“Well now that you aren’t partners anymore, I suppose that you two don’t share EVERYTHING,” she said. “But it’s really a crazy coincidence, don’t you think? Hell, Ellis told me that he was pretty sure that Nick would be getting home…. Well, pretty soon. Right about now, even.”

“…. Now just what are you implying?” Francis asked, voice sour.

“I’m not implying anything, baby, I was just making conversation,” she said, innocently walking past him and towards the kitchen. “I just find it interesting is all. You two certainly manage to run parallel lives even when you don’t work together anymore.”

“Whatever, Cupcake,” Francis snorted. He knew that he should probably just drop it and join Wednesday on the couch for video games. But he didn’t like how smug Rochelle could get when she jumped to conclusions. So he followed her into the kitchen. “Look,  like I said, I was ice fishing this weekend. So Nick was out doing FBICE business in Missouri or whatever. I WENT fishing with my coworkers because YOU are the one who says that I should go out and make new friends.” He watched her open the fridge door and remove a jar of pickles. “And I have. And no, I didn’t catch any fish, but I had a great time nonetheless, with lots of male bonding and beaver jokes and what not. It was a good time. But I’m perfectly happy to be home with my girls. There’s no place I’d rather be.” Take THAT, he smirked to himself.

She opened the jar of pickles, and looked at him with a calm leer on her lips. “Who said anything about Nick being in Missouri?” she asked, raising her eyebrow as she bit into the veggie.

You should have just played Xbox, he thought. “…. You did.”

“No I didn’t,” she tossed back. “And yet somehow you knew that that was where he went for his business trip. Even though you said that you didn’t even know that he was out of town. It clearly can’t be both.”

“It was a lucky guess!”

“Yeah right!” she spat. “Of all the places for him to visit, Missouri just DOESN’T seem like the place to guess! Especially since it’s not nearly as ravaged as, say, New York, or Florida, or Georgia or Alabama-!”

“Would you just drop it, woman?” he said as Wednesday walked into the kitchen. “Way to warn me, Wednesday!”

“I told you you were in trouble,” she replied, shrugging and grabbing a glass from the cupboard.

“So since it can’t be both knowing and not knowing, and since it’s pretty clear you DID know, and SINCE I’m going to go out on a limb and guess you were WITH him, I now ask you this,” she said, putting a hand on the countertop and leaning on it, authoritatively. “What were you doing out in Missouri?”

Francis snorted, crossing his arms and glaring at his girlfriend. His eyes flicked to Wednesday, who walked up to stand next to Rochelle and watch with morbid curiosity as she drank her water.

“We were just…. going on a short trip,” he tried.

“Yeah RIGHT,” Wednesday laughed. “WHY would you drive out to Missouri for ONE DAY?”

“Don’t help me!” Francis snarled. “I’m being ganged up on by a couple of snooty X chromosomes!”

“Francis, are you moonlighting doing stuff for FBICE even though I TOLD you I didn’t want you doing that?” Rochelle demanded, now quite stern and not amused to have caught him in a lie anymore.

“What? NO, hell no!”

“Don’t like to me Francis Xavier-!”

“YOUR MIDDLE NAME IS XAVIER!?!?” Wednesday shrieked in glee.

“-because if you’re doing contract stuff for that agency again I swear to GOD-!” Rochelle continued, and Francis held up his hands.

“NO! I wasn’t moonlighting, I was going out there with Nick because he found out that he fathered a kid, okay?! I’M not the one you should be mad at!!!” Francis roared.

His confession made Wednesday’s mouth drop and Rochelle’s eyes widen, and once he’d realized just what he’d done, he began to stammer “Er, no, that’s not….. HAAAA. Joking! Good joke, you two FELL for it-!”

“Nick fathered a kid?!” Rochelle exclaimed, smacking Francis on the chest a couple times. “Oh my GOD, I don’t believe this!!!”

“What I don’t believe is that this didn’t happen earlier,” Wednesday stated pensively.

“Okay, see, that’s what I said,” Francis said, and Rochelle slugged his shoulder. “OW!! What the FUCK-?!”

“Why didn’t you tell me?!” she demanded.

“Because it’s not your business, and we BOTH just found out two days ago!” he said, as Rochelle reached for her phone. “WHAT are you doing?!”

“Calling Ellis!”

“OH NO YOU DON’T, he doesn’t know!” Francis said, snatching the phone out of her hand and holding it high above his head.

“Francis!” she whined, jumping but unable to reach. Damn that tall lover of hers. “Give that back!”

“No, no way, there is NO WAY you are calling Ellis and telling him this,” he said, shaking his head vehemently.

“But-!”

“Are you crazy?! NO!” he flared. “It isn’t our business! Nick’s going home, right now, WITH the kid, so there’s no need for you to do it! And even if he wasn’t you shouldn’t do it anyway! And you know you shouldn’t, the good person in you does! You’ve been possessed by the Cutthroat Reporter inside of you! Resist, Ro, RESIST!”

She stopped jumping for the phone, his words resonating with her, as non-eloquent as they were. She did know that sometimes she had the bad habit of thinking like a reporter first and a friend second. And if what Francis was saying was true, and not some kind of sick joke, she really didn’t have the right to tell Ellis anything.

So she slumped, and crossed her arms. “……. Nick is such a dog.”

“That’s my girl,” he said, and draped his arm around her shoulders.

“…… You aren’t fucking with me to throw me off your trail?” she asked as Wednesday smirked and walked back towards her Xbox with her water. “Nick really has a kid?”

“Yeah….. Little girl. But this was before he and Ellis-.”

“No, I know, I know,” she said, shaking her head and putting a hand to her hair. “You guys were in Missouri before Roanoke II, I know…. God…. He brought the baby home?”

“Yup.”

“So Ellis is about to be blindsided,” she said, morosely.

“….. Yup.”

 ________________________________

Nick carried the car seat into the house, keys fumbling in his hands and jangling in protest. He looked for the light switch in the dark. Ellis must have been out, and while he was sort of wishing he could have just gotten this over with, he was okay with stalling. Even if only for a little bit. He flipped the light on, and set the car seat on the floor. Audrey was still sleeping, and he hoped that she would sleep awhile longer. He bent down, taking her hat off since the townhouse was perfectly warm. She fidgeted in sleep, and he froze. Crap, don’t wake up, he thought. When she lulled back to motionlessness, he sighed in relief.

“…. I have nowhere to put you,” he said, quietly. There weren’t any stores open, at least none that he would be caught dead in, and it wasn’t like they had a crib lying around. Maybe she could sleep in the car seat. He leaned down to remove her coat next, and paused just so he could get a good look at her. It was hard to deny that he was getting attached. He pulled her up into his arms, and sighed. “Let’s try and find you a bed for the night.”

Dalton rushed into the room, ready to be fed, but he stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the car seat. He looked up at Nick, and looked even MORE surprised when he saw the baby (as surprised as a cat can look, anyway).

“Oh Dalton. You’ve been demoted,” Nick smirked at the cat. “Like, severely.” Dalton twitched his tail, and stalked off towards the couch.

Nick was about to go try and find a place for his daughter, when he heard keys start jiggling in the lock. He tensed up, the sleeping baby stirring in his arms as she was squeezed harder, and he looked around, in an outright panic. He saw the couch, and decided to lay Audrey down behind it. He didn’t want to be caught standing with a baby. He wanted to build up to it. So he placed her there, made sure that she was on her back and seemingly comfortable, and then stood up straight as Ellis opened the front door.

“Hey!” the mechanic chirped. “I saw the lights on an’ knew that it had to be you!” He walked over, not noticing the car seat, and threw his arms around his fiancé. “How was the drive?”

Nick hugged him back, mustering up as much courage as he could, and pulled away with a nervous look on his face. “Fine, it was fine,” he said. “Ellis-.”

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t here when you got home, like I said some coworkers wanted to go out for beers an’ I didn’t want to say no,” Ellis said, walking towards the kitchen. “But I left early cuz I knew you were gettin’ home.” Nick followed him.

“That’s fine, kiddo, but-.”

“Are you hungry at all? I can make you somethin’ to eat, like soup or grilled cheese-.”

“I’m fine, El, but-.”

“It’s no bother!” Ellis insisted. “An’ did you see that I took SOME of the decorations down? There used to be decals all over these windows-.”

“ELLIS,” Nick snapped, and the mechanic turned around from the windows, surprised at the harshness in Nick’s voice.

“…. Nick?” he asked, voice soft. Nick took in a sharp breath, and exhaled slowly.

“… I’m sorry,” he said, quietly. “I, I didn’t mean to snap. But we need to talk about something, and I want to talk about it now. We need to talk about it now.”

“Uh, okay,” Ellis said, still stinging from the tone Nick had taken with him. “What, uh, what’s goin’ on?”

Nick said nothing for a couple of beats, and then motioned to the living room with his head. “Come with me, I need.. I need to show you something.”

Ellis did as he was told, and followed his fiancé into the living room. Nick stopped walking, and looked at Ellis, trying to gather some courage. “Okay, so when I went out to St. Louis, I wasn’t very… I wasn’t honest about why I was going out there,” Nick said, voice tense. “It wasn’t… it wasn’t about work. It was personal.”

“…. Oh,” Ellis said, feeling his stomach start to knot up. “Um, what kinda stuff did ya have goin’ on in St. Louis?” Nick swallowed, and took a shaky breath in through his nose. “Nick, you’re really scarin’ me here, why were you out there?”

“….. I’ll, um… I’ll show you,” the older man replied, tone tenuous.

Ellis stood in the archway to the living room, and crossed his arms, watching Nick as he walked around the couch and bent down. His deepest fears were that Nick had been cheating on him, but then that wouldn’t make sense if Nick was going to ‘show him’. What could Nick show him? He didn’t know WHAT he was expecting to see when Nick popped back up...

But it certainly wasn’t a baby.

When Nick straightened up to reveal a groggy little girl, Ellis thought that maybe this was just a weird dream, brought on by too much wedding planning. Or maybe pizza eaten too close to bedtime. But blinking a few times didn’t wake himself up, nor did squeezing his nails into his palm so deeply it hurt. No, this wasn’t a dream.

“….. Whose baby is that?” he asked, voice soft, so soft it was nearly a murmur.

Nick’s green eyes looked tired and guilty, and he looked at the floor. “… Yeah, she’s mine,” he replied, even though it didn’t need to be said.

When Ellis just stared, Nick tried to explain. “It was before we got back together, St. Louis was the last stop we made before Roanoke II, and one of the last nights we were there Francis and I hooked up with some girls. Like normal. Francis had a girl named Ella, I had a girl named Becky, who said she was on the Pill, okay, that she was on the Pill and that I didn’t have to worry about anything. And two days ago, two GODDAMN days ago I get this CALL from her goddamn MOTHER telling me that I have a kid out in the goddamn Midwest!

“And I get there, and here SHE is, and Gwendolyn, Becky’s mother, tells me that Becky just kind of up and ditched her,” Nick babbled, trying to get it all out,  “and that she herself had no intention of raising this kid, and that I have to take her, and we got a DNA test done and I AM her Dad, so…. So I didn’t really have a choice in the matter because I wasn’t just… I wasn’t just going to let her be dumped off on some stranger, you know? Her name’s Audrey, she’s six months, she’s… Yeah, she’s mine. That’s why I went out to St. Louis. I’m sorry, Ellis, I probably should have said something.”

Ellis stood completely still, not even blinking as he took in all the information. Nick held his breath, watching his fiancé and ignoring how his daughter was smacking his face with her palm and gurgling. “… Ellis, I need you to say something,” he said, quietly. “Anything.”

“…… You ‘probably’ should have said somethin’?” Ellis repeated, voice stony. “Probably? Seriously, Nick, ‘PROBABLY’?”

Oh shit, Nick thought, averting his eyes to the floor again. “…. Okay, SHOULD have said something.”

“Ya THINK?!” Ellis practically shouted, no longer speechless or hesitating. “Ya think you shoulda told your fiancé that you had some KID out in MISSOURI?!”

“I wanted to be sure she was actually mine!” Nick snapped back.

“Bull you wanted to be sure, you were just chickenshit!” the younger man snarled.

This wasn’t the reaction Nick had expected. Sure, he’d expected some static. Maybe some heated talk back and forth, followed by acceptance on Ellis’ part. But instead, he was confronted with Ellis at his most furious. A fury that was usually reserved for Nick when he had deeply, deeply hurt the kid. And now Nick was worried that maybe he’d hurt him a bit too much this time.

But it wasn’t like Nick to try and smooth things over. Instead, he was going to just make it worse. It was as if he couldn’t help himself.

“I’m not chickenshit, I just knew that you’d freak out like this!” he snapped back as Ellis paced. “So I figured, ‘hey, if she isn’t mine I’ll spare us both his histrionics!’”

“Histrionics?!”

“Yeah, it’s when you overreact-!”

“I KNOW WHAT IT IS!” Ellis yelled, starting to shake. “I’m not stupid! I can’t believe you! I really can’t believe you! You didn’t even tell me that some girl had your kid-!”

“BECAUSE I DIDN’T KNOW!” Nick shouted, and Audrey started to cry again, though he didn’t even notice. “And you have NO right to be bent out of shape about me fucking some chick, okay, because that happened before we got back together!”

Ellis shook his head, sick of the goddamn excuses. “Fine, that’s true, but that’s only a FRACTION of why I’m so pissed at ya!”

“Well I haven’t put my cock in anyone but you since we got back together-!”

“That isn’t the issue!” Ellis exclaimed, spinning around to look at his fiancé. “You lied to me! You fuckin’ LIED to me! AGAIN!”

“I never once lied to you!”

“You withheld information, Nick, that’s practically the same thing, especially in THIS situation!” Ellis scolded, unable to bring himself to look at the baby.

“Well whatever I did, it was to protect you!” Nick spat.

“ALWAYS TO PROTECT ME!” Ellis countered, voice rising above the crying baby. “You always hide this shit from me pretendin’ it’s to protect me, but it’s so YOU don’t hafta deal with the fallout!”

“Always, yeah fucking right always,” Nick snorted, shaking his head and trying to bounce Audrey into comfort.

“Well it sure feels like whenever you’re ‘protectin’’ me it just ends up hurtin’ me a whole lot more than it should!” Ellis said, voice starting to shake. “HOW can you have a kid?! HOW can you have a kid with someone else?!”

Nick laughed cruelly, shaking his head. “Oh SPARE me that question! ‘Someone else’? Like there’s some other way? In case you missed that biology lesson back at Hee Haw High in Savannah, YOU can’t do that for me because YOU AND I CAN’T HAVE KIDS!” Nick shouted, a vicious sneer crossing his features.

That shut Ellis right up, and his jaw tensed as if he’d been slapped across the face by his lover. True, it was an obvious thing to say, and Nick was certainly right. But hearing it, in this context, when there was another person’s kid in Nick’s arms? That was too much for Ellis to take.

Nick realized that he’d said something wrong, terribly wrong, when the only noise in the room was that of Audrey whining against his shoulder. Ellis shook his head slowly, and made a beeline for his coat, wordlessly.

“Ellis,” Nick began, but the mechanic was having none of it. “Ellis, for God’s sake-!”

“No, you don’t get to say anything right now,” Ellis forced out, his throat constricting and heart feeling like it was going to crack apart.

“Ellis, come back!” Nick said following him. “I didn’t mean-!”

“I don’t care WHAT you meant, you made your point clear as crystal!” Ellis snapped over his shoulder as he stormed out of the house and towards his truck.

“Ellis-!”

“FUCK. YOU,” Ellis barked, voice cracking, and he climbed into his truck and slammed the door. Nick stood on the stoop, holding his daughter close as Ellis revved the engine and peeled out of the driveway, tires squealing and sending burnt scent into the air. Nick let his head thud against the doorframe as Ellis barreled down the street, and he took in a breath through his nose, trying to keep it together. Especially since Audrey was feeding off of his emotions and getting more and more upset. He just shushed her, closing his eyes tightly.

“It’s okay,” he said, though his voice was trembling. “It’s okay, Audrey, it’s okay.” He kept repeating that over and over again, as it was more for his benefit than hers. Even if he didn’t really believe it, no matter how many times he said it.


	6. Time After Time

When Nick had texted Francis shortly thereafter, Rochelle’s ears first perked up. Seeing as the only people who texted Francis were her and his ex partner, she figured that there had been some fallout because of the reveal. Once she was able to pry it out of her lover that yes, Ellis had run off because of Nick’s actions (and distinct ability to make a bad situation worse), she grabbed her keys, told Francis to make sure Wednesday went to bed by eleven, and left their house in favor of finding her best friend. Though Ellis hadn’t said anything to her about where he was going, she had a feeling she knew. Just like in Roanoke II, he had favorite watering hole. So she drove towards Mike’s, figuring that Ellis, as a creature of habit, even in duress, would be there.

And sure enough, when she walked into the bar, she saw him at a table, drinking a beer by himself with a despondent look upon his face. She frowned, and slowly walked over, placing herself in the chair across from him. He looked up briefly, and then went back to drawing shapes in the condensation spots on the table.

“….. I heard you had a rough night,” she said, softly.

“Francis has a big mouth,” he responded, bitterness mixed with slight tipsiness.

“…. Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.

“Nope.”

“Then I’m going to sit right here, order myself a drink, and wait for when you do want to talk about it,” she said matter of factly. She raised her hand towards a waitress as she passed, and said “Cuba Libre, please.”

Ellis rolled his eyes a bit. “I wanna be alone.”

“Yeah, well, remember when you ‘wanted to be alone’ during quarantine?” she asked, matter of factly. “Remember when you did nothing but lie in your bunk all day and stare at the wall? Remember that?”

“What else was I supposed to do in quarantine?” Ellis sneered, running his thumb along the rim of his beer bottle. Though he understood what she was saying. When it had become clear that he and Nick probably weren’t going to see each other again (or so he thought), he’d retreated to his bunk and refused to leave for anything outside of food and the bathroom. Even though they had parted on bad terms, really bad terms, Ellis had still be devastated, as he was convinced that he was in love with the older man. It was true that the camp wasn’t Club Med, but to Rochelle that had been sure signs of depression in her friend. So she had walked into his bunk one day, sat on the bed, and told him that he had a week to get over everything. Because while he was entitled to his grief, Nick wasn’t entitled to have that kind of power over the kid. And she hated to see that the power was back.

“… Fact of the matter is that I’m not leaving until we talk about this,” she shrugged. “So I suggest you talk. I can be stubborn as hell, and you know it.”

“There’s nothin’ to talk about,” Ellis said, sipping the beer crabbily. “I just found out that my fiancé has a kid! A KID, Ro! I mean, what am I supposed to say?”

“Say whatever the fuck you want to say, I won’t judge,” she said, leaning into the chair as her drink was placed in front of her. “What do you think I’m going to do, go squeal on you to Nick? And even if I DID, he’d have no place to be mad. So he has a kid. I bet you’re pissed.”

“I am pissed!”

“Pissed that there’s a baby in the picture now?” she asked, putting the straw in her lips.

“That’s not-! It’s not-! I’m just pissed!” Ellis groused, shaking his head. “I feel like everything’s fallin’ apart! I’m so MAD at him!”

“What are you mad at him about?” she asked, glad that he was opening up now. “That he had a baby with someone else before you two got back together?”

“NO, I know we weren’t together, I never said that he cheated on me, did I?” he snarled at her. She took the vitriol in stride, as she knew it wasn’t about her. She could handle Ellis yelling at her.

“Okay, so are you mad at him for lying to you about it?” she asked.

“HELL YES.”

“But is that the only thing you’re mad about?”

“Well sure,” Ellis grumbled. “I mean, I can’t believe that he wouldn’t tell me why he was goin’ out there! Why couldn’t he just tell me an’ trust me to support him? Why couldn’t he give me that?”

“Well, what do you think you would have done if Nick HAD called you, and told you about the baby?” she asked, swirling her drink absentmindedly. “What do you think you would have done, or said?”

Ellis drank more beer, thinking deeply about the question. It was a good question, that was for sure, and it was one that he hadn’t really let himself think about. But now that Rochelle had asked him, he knew he’d have to answer. She wouldn’t let him not.

“… If he’d called me, I… I probably would have been mad,” Ellis admitted. “Well not mad… But probably upset…. Okay, really upset. I woulda been upset. But that doesn’t mean that he can lie to me about it!”

“No, of course not,” she agreed, shaking her head and leaning forward again. “He shouldn’t have lied to you. That’s a given. But if you realize he didn’t cheat, and you realize that he didn’t know until a couple days ago, and if he hypothetically had been straight with you… What would have upset you?”

“Well it’s kind’ve a big deal!” Ellis said, brow furrowing as a sad grimace spread on his face. “It’s a kid, Ro! It’s a baby! Nick didn’t even WANT kids an’ now he has one with some GIRL!”

“So you ARE upset that he has a kid with someone else,” she said, tilting her head to the side.

“…… I guess,” Ellis admitted, voice soft and weary. “….. It isn’t fair, Ro.”

“What isn’t fair?” she asked.

Ellis took in a deep breath, and closed his eyes. “…. It isn’t fair that some girl he didn’t even know, some girl he never was gonna see again an’ never meant anything to him, was able to have a kid she didn’t even WANT with him,” he answered. “An’ he’d told me before that he didn’t want kids, an’ as much as that kinda hurt, I was willin’ to not have any. Cuz I love him so much I knew that I don’t need kids to be happy with him ya know?”

“I know,” she nodded, drinking more of her rum and coke.

“But now?” he continued, pushing the empty beer bottle away. “Now HE’S the one with a kid, an’ I.... It just… It hurts! It really hurts!”

Rochelle reached across the table and took his hand. “Oh sweetie,” she said, giving him a sympathetic smile.

“He even, like, threw it in my face!” he said, shaking his head. “He had to be like ‘well we can’t even have kids!’, AS IF I DON’T KNOW.” He ran his hand across his lips, bitterly. “…. Even though he said he didn’t want them, if I could have had kids with him, I would have done it.”

“You can always adopt,” Rochelle pointed out. “Or foster, or maybe a surrogate-.”

“I know, I know,” Ellis interrupted. “I know that. But I never thought he’d go for that. An’ now there IS a kid on our doorstep, an’ it’s not even OURS. It’s his an’ some girl’s who didn’t even want her!”

“I know, you said that.”

“Well it should be said over an’ over again!” Ellis bit. “It’s not fair!”

“….. So are you going to call off the wedding?”

“NO!” Ellis exclaimed, riled up due to the emotions and the beer. “God, why would you THINK that?!”

“Then I don’t understand what you’re doing, El!” she said, firmly. “So I get that you’re upset, I don’t blame you for being upset. Not at all. But if you aren’t calling off the wedding, you are going to have to come to terms with this. This baby, Audrey was it?”

“…. Yeah.”

“Audrey is going to be a part of both your lives now,” she said. “So yeah, be mad at Nick for lying. Hem and haw and all that. But if you aren’t calling off the wedding, you are going to have to forgive him, sooner rather than later. And then there’s the issue that there’s a six month old that you two are going to raise together…. Ellis, you could look at this like an answer to your prayers.”

“What do ya mean?” he asked, skeptically.

“You wanted a child with Nick. You now HAVE a child with Nick.”

“It’s not the same.”

“Why not?” she asked, trying to understand.

“Because she’s his with someone else. Not me. If we’d adopted, the kid would be ours on equal footing. If we did a surrogate, we coulda mixed up our… our, uh-.”

“Sperm?”

“Yeah,” he said, a little bit embarrassed to say the word for reasons he didn’t really understand. “Yeah, an’ we wouldn’t hafta know. But if the baby-.”

“Audrey.”

“…. If AUDREY is just his an’ not mine… I don’t know if I’ll love her like I’d love my own,” he said, his fears finally surfacing to both of them. “I know it’s awful to say-.”

“We’re just discussing how you’re feeling, honey, not how awful or not awful it is,” she said. She personally didn’t think it was awful. It was a fear. He couldn’t help what he feared.

“… Every year on my birthday, my Mama would, like, insist on tellin’ me the story about the day I was born,” Ellis said, voice soft. “I mean, you know she was alone an’ stuff, my Dad left long before I came along. An’ she had said that she was real scared that she wouldn’t be able to care for me, or that she’d be always resentin’ me because me comin’ along would change her life so much.

“But I guess that as soon as she held me, she just… Like, she knew, ya know?” he said, quietly. “Just knew that I was all hers, an’ that she loved me more than anything else in the whole world. Just by holdin’ me…. An’ I’ve always wanted to, like…. To know what that’s like. An’ it just SUCKS that Nick gets that, an’ I don’t know if I ever will.”

Rochelle sighed, and squeezed his hand again. “I’m so sorry, sweetie,” she said. “…. Is there anything I can do for you right now?”

Ellis paused as he rested his chin in his hand. “Just sit with me awhile, huh?” he asked, quietly.

“Any time,” she said, smiling kindly at her best friend. “I can sit. I sit all night long.”

He nodded, and raised his hand at the waitress. “Could I get another one?”

“Me too?” Rochelle agreed. While the waitress went to fetch their drinks, the two of them just sat together. And she planned to sit with him until he was ready to go home.

 ________________________________

Nick had fed Audrey, feeling bad that it ended up being so late for the baby, and put a blanket on the floor by the couch, setting her on in and hoping that it would be comfortable enough for her to sleep on. She whined and fussed a bit at first, but when he started to play Peter Gabriel for her again she fell right to sleep. He sank down on the couch, and wanted to try and pass out after a long drive, but with Ellis not home and furious with him he knew that sleep wouldn’t come easy. If at all. He’d left messages for his fiancé, in both text and voice mail, but he was either being ignored, or the phone itself was off.

So to pass the time, he took care of a few things he needed to do post haste. First, he called Morgan to tell him that he would need to take some emergency time off, and file for some kind of paternity leave. It was the least he could do for the baby; get her settled, make her feel home and connected to SOMEONE now that her grandmother was gone from her life. May as well be her Dad. Suffice to say, Morgan laughed for a good long while, and then said that he would try and get him everything he needed. That was the nice thing about Morgan; he enjoyed a good bout of schadenfreude, but he had Nick’s back.

Then he went surfing online for non-pressing baby things, and looked at the Target website to see what kinds of cribs they had. Looking at cribs turned to looking at wallpaper on other websites, and looking at wallpaper got him looking at all sorts of baby décor. He’d have to give up the guest room, but he could turn the basement into a guest room if they really needed one. As he clicked through and distracted himself with the prospect of completely overhauling the house, he jumped a bit when his phone rang. Hoping it was Ellis, he grabbed it off the side table and looked. But instead of the younger man’s smiling face on the screen, it was a number he didn’t recognize. He cautiously hit the button, and put it to his ear.

“… Hello?” he asked.

“So I heard from my Mom that you have Audrey.”

“… Becky?” he asked, stunned.

“Who else would it be?” she asked, voice sounding not really angry, more bored. He sat up a bit, and looked at the clock.

“Christ, what time is it there?” he asked, looking at his watch, assuming she was calling from London.

“It’s almost seven,” she replied. “Woke up to find this email in my inbox saying you took Audrey. Mom got in touch with you, hm?”

“More than you ever did,” he sneered, looking down at Audrey as Dalton cautiously made his way over towards her. You better not, cat, he thought.

“Oh boy, please spare me the lecture, I’ve heard enough from my mother about this whole thing,” Becky said. “I was just calling to make sure you got home safely, and that she’s settled.”

“Well she’s pretty freaked out, actually,” Nick said, even though she was sleeping fairly soundly. He just imagined that she had to be freaked on SOME level.

“Her temperament is pretty good, she’ll calm down,” she said, as if it didn’t matter in the least. “You’ll get used to her.”

“Right,” Nick said, shaking his head. “You sure didn’t.”

“Well, I like to look at it like a learning experience for myself,” she conceded, voice becoming introspective. “I learned that I’m not mother material. At least not right now. Maybe someday. Audrey taught me that.”

“Well how nice that you can look at your daughter like a lesson YOU had to learn,” he scoffed, shifting on the sofa. “I’m sure that one day she will be able to look back on you leaving her and will be able to say ‘at least she was able to discover something within herself’.”

“Wow. You are SUCH an asshole.”

“I’M the asshole? YOU’RE the one who never bothered to tell me about her, and then just dumped her off on your mother,” Nick countered, trying to keep his voice down so she’d keep sleeping. He snapped his fingers at Dalton, as the cat was sniffing the baby and pawing at her head. Once Nick threatened to lunge towards the cat with a jerk forward, Dalton dashed off and up the steps.

“You don’t know what it’s like to be a single mother!” she snarled. “Don’t pass judgment at me, Nick, you have NO idea about what all I had to sacrifice! This is better for all of us, because when I DO come back for her-!”

“Oh, so you ARE coming back for her!” Nick said, standing up abruptly and stamping towards the kitchen. “When? When she’s five? Ten? Eighteen?”

“Just when she’s older!” Becky snapped. “When I’m settled and when she isn’t so damn dependant on me! I see myself as more of a Lorelei Gilmore, not a June Cleaver!”

“Oh, so when she’s a teenager you’re going to want a best friend, I get it,” he said, shaking his head and going for a drink. But then, he was caring for a baby, so he probably shouldn’t have a drink until he knew she was actually asleep for the night. “You’re going to want to be the ‘cool’ mom, how fun that will be for everyone involved.”

“You don’t get it and I don’t expect you to,” she sniffed. “I need to devote this time to my acting, to honing my craft. I have auditions in the East End, and I need to be focused and rested. Once I’ve established myself, and once she’s older, I’ll come back for her. You won’t be stuck with her for too long, okay?”

Nick snorted, and slammed the fridge shut, throat too tight now to even think of drinking ANYTHING. “Unbelievable,” he muttered, shaking his head and resting it against the fridge.

“I know you’re mad that you have to deal with a baby-.”

“Yes, THAT is the part of what you said that made me mad,” he sneered into the phone.

“-but my Mom said that you have a fiancée or something, and I’m sure that you two will be able to take care of her until I come for her,” she continued, breezing through his comment. Though her assumption just pissed him off more, given the circumstances. “And while I can’t imagine she’s TOO thrilled about raising another girl’s baby, if she loves you she’ll do it. And I mean, hey, that might work out for me, if her stepmother’s anything like MY stepmother was, Audrey might be more inclined to come back to London with me and get out of your hair.”

Nick shoved off the fridge, and took in a sharp breath through his nose. “Tell you what, Becky,” he said, voice shaking with more and more anger. “Don’t concern yourself with any of that. Me and Audrey’s soon to be stepFATHER will be able to do more for her than you ever could. Stay in London. Send Christmas cards, and birthday gifts. But DON’T feel like you need to hurry back to her. She’s going to be well taken care of here. Without you.”

And with that, he hung up the phone, turned it off, and shoved it in his pocket. My taste in lovers used to be SO shitty, he thought sourly, and walked back into the main room. He sat back down on the couch, and looked at the sleeping baby, feeling suddenly quite protective of her. But while he was protective, the animosity he was feeling towards Becky slowly began to fade. He picked Audrey up off the floor, and lay back on the couch. “… Well, sweetie, you’re stuck with me now,” he said, feeling that he’d burnt the bridge of chance to get her back in Becky’s care. But who cared? He didn’t.

Audrey opened her eyes, groggy and not appreciating being awakened, but she soon settled against his rising and falling chest and fell right back asleep. No turning back, he thought. While he felt fairly proud of standing up for his kid, and telling Becky to fuck off, he was still aching about Ellis. He didn’t think he could do this without his fiancé, because he knew that Audrey would need someone outside of him to take care of her. He wasn’t the most nurturing person in the world, and it wasn’t like that was a huge secret. That was why the implication that Ellis would be a bad stepparent pissed him the hell off. If Nick knew one thing about all of this, it was that Ellis, should he forgive Nick and decide to stay, was going to be the GOOD parent in this whole situation. So he prayed that the younger man would come back to him. For all their sakes.

He turned his phone back on, expecting a tirade voicemail from Becky, but had nothing. Which just went to show that she wasn’t going to lose sleep at night about this. He sighed, and called Ellis again, hoping the kid would answer this time. But when it went right to voicemail again, he furrowed his brow, and waited for the beep.

“Me again,” he said, calmly. “It’s getting late, and I guess I’m giving up on you coming home tonight. I just want you to know that… I’m sorry. I really am. I know I consistently fuck things up with you, and you’d think I’d learn, but…” He trailed off, and looked at the sleeping baby. “…. I just want you to know that I don’t blame you for being mad. I just hope that you’ll come home, mad or not. Because… I need you, Ellis, and it’s not just because I have no idea what I’m doing with Audrey. I just need you in my life….. So come home, kiddo. Okay? Please?” He hung up, and tossed his phone on the coffee table, stomach curdling all over again.

He closed his eyes, chewing on his lip as he pet Audrey’s hair gently. “Lorelei Gilmore my ass,” he muttered, settling in on the soft cushions. As the baby breathed against him, the rise and fall of her frame lulled him into a tense but welcome sleep.


	7. Lullaby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song that I'm referring to is The Dixie Chicks song. Not the Nickelback song.......
> 
> And there will be an epilogue. :-)

Around two, Ellis decided it was time to go home. Rochelle had offered him a couch to stay on, but he had declined, knowing that the couch at her place wasn’t all that comfortable (according to Francis). He was still feeling miserable as he drove back towards the townhouse, but his exhaustion was starting to outweigh his stubbornness and pain. All he wanted to do was sleep, and take the emotions on in the morning.

He parked his truck in the garage, and walked up the pathway to the steps. As he fumbled for his keys, he wasn’t sure what he was going to do when he saw Nick. He’d turned his phone back on to find multiple messages that ran the gamut from anger, to begging, to desperation, and when he came upon the last one he was so emotionally stretched he felt little outside numbness. He unlocked the front door, and walked inside.

Dalton greeted him in the front hallway, and Ellis shushed him as he locked up. The lights were all on still, and he wondered if Nick was still up, waiting for him. He didn’t want to call his name, as drawing attention to himself wasn’t really something he wanted to do. If Nick WAS asleep, Ellis would take that out and just let them talk tomorrow. He was glad that he didn’t have work the next day, as he knew, just knew, that it was going to be hard to get out of bed. For multiple reasons.

He was going to creep to the guest room and settle there for the night, when he peeked into the living room to see a passed out Nick on the couch, Audrey asleep on his chest.

“Oh for God’s sake, Nick,” Ellis muttered, thinking that that wasn’t the safest place to keep Audrey. He crept over to the couch, and moved his fiancé’s hands away from around the baby’s body. He picked her up, ready to set her on the floor, where she had evidently been sleeping earlier. But once he picked her up, she stirred, and looked up at him. He paused, and looked back at her, not certain of how she was going to react. She didn’t know him. She probably didn’t recognize him from earlier. He fully expected her to start crying.

But instead, she started to babble a little bit, and slapped her hand against his shirt. He raised his eyebrows at her, and snorted. “Well aren’t you a spitfire?” he asked, sitting down on the floor and putting her on her butt across from him. “Can you stay sitting up?” She sat, looking around for her toys, and Ellis sighed, exhausted and wary of the baby. “Well Nick had to’ve brought some toys home for you.” He grabbed the diaper bag by the coffee table, and removed a few items. When he pulled the starfish out, she pointed and started to make more noises. “Okay, okay, I get it,” he chuckled, and handed it to her. She squealed, and rolled onto her back.

“You sure have a clear favorite,” he said, crossing his arms and watching her roll around on the floor.

He looked up at the couch to see if Nick was going to wake up, but when the FBICE agent remained in a deep sleep, Ellis exhaled a little bit. Nick pretty clearly needed the sleep if the noisy baby wasn’t waking him up. Ellis wasn’t sure what he’d say to him when he did wake up, so the older man could sleep the night away for all he cared. Even if that stuck him with the baby when he himself was exhausted.

Audrey began to shriek with glee, and deciding not to try his luck with Nick’s slumber Ellis scooped her up and carried her into the kitchen. She babbled the entire way, grabbing at his shirt and holding the starfish up at him as if she was telling him all about it. He shook his head, chuckling the entire way.

He set her on the floor so he could make himself a small sandwich, and as he pieced his late night snack together he kept one watchful eye on her. Which prevented her from getting into Dalton’s cat food (he dropped his own food on the counter before she could slap her hands into the wet food dish), and also let him observe how she’d react around him. She seemed perfectly content on the floor, rolling around with her toy, and Ellis eventually sat on the linoleum and watched her move about.

“Jeeze, don’t you ever get tired?” he asked sleepily as she bumped into his foot and raised her head to look up at him. He smirked as he chewed his food, and lightly touched her on the nose. She cooed, and flopped over onto her back, kicking her feet and arms. “Well, if you aren’t sleepy anymore, I guess we’ll just hafta make you sleepy. Wait here.” He stood up, going out to grab the bag that he’d found some toys in. He noticed Nick’s phone, and didn’t want it to ring and wake him up. Sometimes Francis called him at ungodly hours, and if the ex biker was wondering what was going on, he might call. So Ellis turned the phone on silent and put it in his pocket for safekeeping. He turned around with the bag of toys, and saw that she’d already rolled his way. “Holy cow!” he said, and picked her back up to bring her back into the kitchen. He tossed the bag towards the fridge, and when she laughed at how he was carrying her, he grinned and carefully swooped her through the air. He just wanted to sleep, and wanted to get her back to an exhausted state.

It took a couple rounds of tug of war with the starfish, him making her stuffed cat talk in funny voices, and then a go with the squeaky mouse for her to start yawning again. Maybe she’s finally winding down, he thought as she rubbed her eyes, and just to speed up the process he pulled her up into his lap. “C’mon, the floor isn’t comfy,” he said, and she immediately nuzzled against his chest.

As she cuddled up against him, he looked down at her, watching her green eyes start to droop. So maybe she does get tired, he thought, and couldn’t help but smile. She snuggled up against him, hand grasping at his shirt, and she soon fell asleep in his arms, as if it was the most natural place to be. His smile didn’t fade as he looked down at her, and he carefully, very carefully brushed her brown hair back from her face. It was strange. He had felt so tentative and angry about her existence not two hours before, and now he was willingly holding her in his arms on the kitchen floor. And enjoying it. Cherishing it, even. He pulled her closer, and pressed his cheek to the top of her head.

Meanwhile, back in the living room, Nick stirred. He slowly opened his eyes, groaning a little as he tried to adjust out of the awkward positioning on the couch. Damn, your neck will be sore forever, he thought, and was going to roll over and try for a different angle.

But then he remembered that when he fell asleep, Audrey had been on top of him. And now she was gone.

“Oh my GOD,” he exclaimed, jolting up and looking on the floor first, afraid he’d dropped her and that she’d cracked her head open. When she wasn’t there, he jumped up and looked under his body, in case she’d somehow ended up under him and was now smothered to death. When she wasn’t THERE, he started to panic. “AUDREY?!”

He started to look behind various pieces of furniture, but before he started tearing the room apart looking for his missing daughter, Ellis rushed back into the living room carrying her.

“Nick, hey, calm down, I have her!” he exclaimed, and Nick looked up from behind the easy chair. Relief flooded his body, and he exhaled. “She’s fine. Though you really shouldn’t sleep with her like that alone.”

“Yeah, thanks for the tip,” Nick groused, walking over and taking her out of Ellis’ arms. He pulled her close, and seeing that she was sleeping calmly, he looked over at his fiancé. “….. So you came back.”

“Yeah,” Ellis said, coolly, and shuffled his feet, a bit frustrated that Nick had just yanked her out of his arms, as if he didn’t trust him to hold her. “I didn’t want to sleep on Ro and Francis’ couch.”

“Ah,” Nick said, and looked down. “…. Did you get my messages?”

“Yeah,” the younger man nodded. “I did.”

Nick nodded slowly, and exhaled through his nose. “….. Ellis, I’m sorry, okay?” he said, weary and pained.

“I know, you said that,” Ellis nodded. “…. Why did you feel a need to lie to me, Nick?”

“I didn’t lie-.”

“Nick,” Ellis said, voice firm, and the older man instantly deflated, and averted his eyes. “No bullshittin’…”

Nick paused a few beats, and looked back at Ellis. “Um… Because I… FUCK, Ellis, I didn’t know how you would react!”

“…. You were scared of how I’d react, more like,” Ellis said, though it wasn’t in an angry or accusatory tone.

“…. Sure,” Nick conceded, sitting back down on the couch and pressing Audrey against his chest. “Yeah, that’s probably right…. I just, I was so convinced that if I told you, you’d…. Leave me, I guess.”

“Darlin’, have I ever given you reason to think that I’d leave you over somethin’ like that?” the mechanic asked, actually curious. He certainly hoped he hadn’t. It hadn’t exactly come up explicitly, but perhaps he’d made a comment here or there that Nick had picked up on and taken to heart.

“No,” Nick admitted, shrugging as he looked at Audrey quickly. “No, you never did that. I just…. I know that I would be a real asshole about it, and I guess I assumed that everyone would be.”

“Well, I’m not you,” Ellis replied, earnestly, and looked at the sleeping baby. “…..But, I am sorry that I ran off like that. I was just mad, and… Yeah, I was hurt.”

“I told you, El, she was before we-.”

“No, I know that,” the younger man said, shaking his head and sitting next to him again. “It’s not that, it was that you have this baby with someone else, and that you said that WE couldn’t ever do that-.”

“Yeah, about that,” Nick cut him off, shaking his head and feeling like such a dick. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

Ellis shrugged. “Not like it’s not true.”

“But it was an asshole thing to say.”

“…. Yeah….” Ellis looked back down at Audrey, and sighed. “It was….”

Nick chewed on his lip, and put his hand to Ellis’ face. “I’m sorry,” he repeated. He brushed his thumb against Ellis’ cheek, and the younger man put his hand on top of Nick’s and closed his eyes.

“… It’s okay,” he said, and Nick pulled him into a hug, trying to keep from squishing the baby. Ellis held him tight, feeling a bit emotional after everything that had happened. “I love you, Nick.”

“I love you too, kiddo,” Nick breathed, relieved that his idiocy hadn’t managed to fuck everything up. At least not permanently.

Ellis was about to say something else, when a phone in his pocket began to vibrate. He jumped a bit, pulling away from Nick, and grabbed it, seeing it was Nick’s that was ringing. An unknown number flashed across the screen, and he held it up to his fiancé. “Who’d be callin’ you this late?”

Nick looked at the number, and practically choked in disgust. “Fuck that, that’s Becky’s number.”

“Becky… Her mom?” he asked, pointing at Audrey.

“Yeah. Bitch called me earlier telling me that she’d happily come back for Audrey when it was most convenient for her career,” Nick said, shaking his head, and Ellis narrowed his eyes at the number. “I pretty much told her that we don’t need her help. She seems to think that YOU are going to be a wicked stepmother type and that will be enough to get Audrey to want to go back to her when she wants her.”

Ellis snorted at that, suddenly pissed off all over again, and hit the ‘answer’ button. Which made Nick hiss ‘ELLISWHATAREYOUDOING?!’.

“Hello?” Ellis said, voice cordial. And anyone who knew Ellis knew that cordial was reserved for those he didn’t like.

“Um…. I’m sorry, I think I dialed the wrong number, I’m looking for Nick-.”

“No, you have the right number,” Ellis confirmed, as Nick waved a free hand in front of his fiancé, trying to get him to stop. Ellis turned his back to him. “This is Nick’s fiancé, Ellis.”

“… Oh, so he wasn’t kidding when he said it was a guy.”

“Nope. Like I said. Name’s Ellis. You’re Becky then?”

“Uh, yeah, I’m Becky,” she said. “…. Is Nick there?”

“He actually went to bed, he’s had a long day,” Ellis stated, voice still perfectly pleasant, even though he had a frown on his face. “I mean, it’s pretty late here. Or early, dependin’ on how you look at it. But anything you need to talk to Nick about, you can talk to me about.”

“Well, it doesn’t really concern you, it concerns his and my daughter,” Becky said, a bit snarkily.

“Well now see actually, that DOES concern me, seein’ as I’m about to become her stepfather,” Ellis corrected her. “So Nick told me, before he went to bed, that you are gonna be in London for a long time, right?”

“Yeah. I have a couple plays I’m going to audition for out here, my new husband lives here,” she stated.

“An’ you couldn’t bring your daughter out with you because….?” Ellis asked, and Nick frowned. Did Ellis WISH that she’d taken Audrey with her? Was he going to try and convince her to come back for her? He stood up, making a ‘hang up now’ face, but Ellis held up a hand at him.

“Matthew doesn’t want children right now, and I am at a point in my career where I really need to focus on acting and getting work,” she replied. “I don’t really have time for auditions, stage shows, AND a baby on top of it. I just don’t.”

Ellis could feel a hot anger rising inside of him. The blasé attitude she was taking in regards to her child made him so angry, and resentful. Even more resentful than he already was. She had taken her ability to give Nick something Ellis could never give him for granted. Not only that, she reminded him far too much of his father, who hadn’t wanted anything to do with him until it was convenient for him. Which had made Ellis feel like he just wasn’t good enough. He hated that Audrey was going to possibly feel that way too, and thought that he was going to start yelling into the phone, calling her all the names in the book, and then some.

But, instead, he took in a deep breath, and let it out through his mouth.

“……. When are you gonna be in the States next?” Ellis asked, after a few moments of deliberation. Nick gave him a quizzical look, tilting his head to the side and furrowing his brow.

“Um…. I was thinking I’d come out in January for my birthday,” she replied, skeptically. “Why?”

“Well here’s what I’m gonna ask’ve ya,” Ellis said, really laying his drawl on thick. It usually disarmed people he was dealing with. “When you come out, you let us know. Cuz I’m thinkin’ that Nick, Audrey, an’ me can come out to St. Louis, right? That’s where you’re from?”

“Yes,” she said. Nick looked at Ellis with a more fearful gaze, and subconsciously held Audrey tighter to himself, as if protecting her.

“Ellis, what are you doing?!” he whispered, and Ellis held up his hand and gave him a ‘trust me’ look.

“So we’ll meet you in St. Louis, an’ I’m thinkin’ that if you don’t want to have to worry about her, or takin’ care of her, or anything like that, you can just sign away your rights to her,” Ellis continued. “That’s what my Daddy did with me, he didn’t want my Mom pesterin’ him for child support, so he just signed those rights away.”

Nick looked at Ellis with a shocked expression on his face. He had no idea that Ellis even knew that such a thing could be done. Ellis wasn’t stupid by any means, but Nick never expected him to think of LEGAL strategy. But then, if his mother had done the same strategy back in the day, of course he’d know about it.

“… I don’t know,” Becky waffled.

“All that would mean is that we can’t bother you for money or anything, really,” Ellis said, tilting his head to the side as he looked at Nick and winked at him. “I mean, we’ll let you see her an’ stuff if you ever do come back stateside. You told Nick that you’d want to see her when she’s older, right?”

“Yeah. Exactly!” Becky said, sounding enthusiastic suddenly. “I mean, she’s cute, and sweet, and I do love her, but I just can’t deal with a baby, or a small child, in my life right now. She wouldn’t understand-.”

“Naww,  course not,” Ellis nodded. “So what do ya say? You can sign away your obligations to her, an’ we’ll take care of her, an’ when she’s old enough to understand, she can come an’ see you all you two want.”

Nick just watched his fiancé work, mouth dropped and eyes wide.

“That actually sounds like a good idea!” she exclaimed, now all out excited. “Okay, well yeah, as soon as I know I will give Nick a call! We can meet up, work that out, and then I’ll just pick her up when she’s older!”

“Well yeah, I think that sounds mighty fine!” Ellis said, faux cheerfulness leeching into his tone. “Well I’m gonna let you go. Just keep us in the loop, an’ we’ll see you in January!”

“Sounds great,” she said, and exhaled. “Wow, I’m so relieved, actually. I was afraid that you were going to lay into me for dumping her off on you, but you’re actually really compassionate. I really appreciate that. You don’t know what it’s like.”

“Yeah, that’s me,” Ellis said, closing his eyes. “Real compassionate….. Talk to you soon.” He didn’t even wait for her to say goodbye before hanging up the phone, and handing it to Nick. “There.”

 Nick stared at Ellis for a few beats, and then held up the cell in his free hand. “WHAT just happened?”

“She’s gonna sign away her parental rights,” Ellis said wearily, as if Nick couldn’t tell. “It’s exactly what Mom made my Daddy do. Had a lawyer track him down in Florida, told him either pay up or give me up. An’ he gave me up. So when he came callin’ about fifteen years later, she slammed the door in his face and told him to take a hike.”

“… I thought you said you never met your Dad,” Nick said, adjusting the baby as she stirred a bit, and Ellis shrugged slowly.

“Only cuz she didn’t let him meet me,” Ellis stated. “An’ from all the stories I heard, it was for the best.”

“…. So, after she signs the papers, you’re-?”

“After she signs the papers, an’ after WE get married, I’m adoptin’ her,” Ellis stated, firmly. “She’s gonna have two parents who want her an’ love her. An’ by the time that stupid ungrateful bitch DOES come back for her, if I have any say in it Audrey won’t want to go. An’ then she won’t have any right to take her.”

“….. Jesus Christ that was some slippery shit you just pulled there,” Nick said, a small smile growing on his face.

Ellis shrugged, and smiled weakly at him. “… I learned a few tricks from you, ya know,” he replied, and looked at Audrey. “Now let me hold her. I wanna hold her.”

Nick grinned, and laughed in relief and even happiness as he handed the baby off to his fiancé. Ellis held Audrey against his shoulder, and smiled at Nick, feeling like he was about to burst. He put his hand to the back of her head, and slowly rocked back and forth.

“… .So what made you change your mind?” Nick asked, walking up behind Ellis and slinking his hands around his front, resting his chin on his other shoulder and looking at his daughter. THEIR daughter.

“…. I don’t think I ever changed my mind,” Ellis admitted, smiling at the baby as she opened her eyes again. “But, you know, I think that it just kinda became official in my mind when….”

“… When?” Nick prompted, softly.

Ellis smiled at Audrey again, and then looked at Nick as best he could. “On the kitchen floor. When I held her,” he replied, softly. The answer was good enough for Nick, who quickly pecked him on the lips. Ellis kissed him back, and then looked back at Audrey. She sighed against his shoulder, and rubbed her eyes with her little fist. Ellis kissed the top of her head, and finally understood what his mother had meant on all those birthdays. Even if she was the biological daughter of some spoiled and egocentric actress on the other side of the world, at that moment Audrey became Ellis’ daughter as much as she was Nick’s. And there was no way that he was ever giving her up.


	8. In Your Eyes

On Christmas morning, Nick woke up early just out of habit. He looked at the clock, seeing that it was barely seven, and sighed, wondering if he would be able to fall back asleep. He looked at Ellis, and smiled a bit lecherously to himself. It wasn’t like he ABSOLUTELY had to go back to bed. He pulled the covers over their bodies, and once he began kissing up the younger man’s back, Ellis began to stir. And once stirred, the two of them began to fumble and grasp at each other’s bodies, enjoying the solitude of the early morning. Soon, Nick was on top of his fiancé, moving inside of him and moaning along with him. That was one of the best ways to start off the day, in his opinion.

Ellis mewled out as he arched his back, fingers pressing into his lover’s back, and gasped when Nick sank in all the way. He wrapped his leg around his fiancé’s waist tighter, jerking with every thrust. “Oh GOD-!” he exclaimed, and then snapped his mouth shut, afraid he was being too loud. Nick pulled his mouth away from Ellis’ neck, and gave him a confused look.

“Why are you being q-quiet?” he asked, hips flinging forward as he grunted.

“Don’t wanna…. W-wake her,” Ellis said, swallowing down another yelp, and Nick snorted.

“She’s down the hall!” he snipped, putting his hand on Ellis’ hip and gripping it as the other hand grabbed the bed board.

Ellis shook his head, trying more than ever to be quieter during sex. But as Nick angled into him just right, and hit his spot over and over, he gave up on that mission and started to yap and yell. “Oh GOD NICK!” he shouted, body starting to shake as his insides spun up and twisted.

Nick panted with every movement, mumbling Ellis’ name and other colorful language as his own climax started to build. He leaned in to kiss his lover again, attacking his mouth and muffling his cries with Ellis’ lips.

Ellis’ body began to give in, and as he came abruptly across Nick’s stomach he pulled his mouth away, back arching off the mattress and hand snarling in Nick’s hair. “OHHHHHGODNICK!” he yelled, and then fell limp, frame absolutely spent. Nick began to howl out, mouth dropping and eyes snapping shut, emptying deep inside his lover as he feet kicked against the sheets and blankets. Once his body was done shaking and quivering, he let himself relax on top of his fiancé.

“Well this has already been a Merry Christmas for me,” he smirked, and Ellis rolled his eyes, lightly bopping the side of his head with his palm.

“You’re so crude,” he said, wrinkling his nose, though it was a great way to start the holiday. He leaned up to kiss him, and was about to sneak his hand to his ass to give it a swift slap, but before he could the baby monitor began to give off garbled cries, signaling Audrey was awake. “Ohhh, I better go get her.”

“Ellis, just let her cry it out a couple of minutes,” Nick groused, as Ellis had become notorious for dropping everything when Audrey was crying for attention. “If you run to her whenever she cries it’s like rewarding her-.”

“She’s a baby, Nick, babies cry!” Ellis exclaimed, shaking his head, and pushing at his lover to get off him. “Let me up, she needs me.”

“Ellis, no I’m comfortable!” Nick whined as he was forced to pull out and get off the younger man. “Whyyyyyy?”

“Oh you’re fine,” Ellis said, getting out of bed and grabbing for his boxer shorts. “You can lie here as long as you want, I’m gonna go get her up an’ ready for the day.”

“No, fuck it, I’ll go shower and start breakfast,” Nick grumbled, sitting up and stretching. “When do Francis, Ro, and Wednesday show up for Christmas dinner?”

“Noon!” Ellis called as he rushed down the hallway to go take care of their daughter. Nick nodded to himself, and ran a hand down his face. “But we have presents with Audrey before that, don’t forget!” The FBICE agent snorted, and chuckled a little bit. God knew how many gifts Ellis had gotten for her in the past couple of weeks.

Once he was dressed, Nick went down to the kitchen to continue cooking the holiday meal. He had conned Rochelle into bringing three side dishes just so he wouldn’t have to do nearly as much work, and since he’d prepared a lot the night before there wasn’t much let to do but to throw things in the oven. He set the turkey on the rack to cook the morning away, and when he looked up he saw Ellis peeking his head around the doorway.

“Is there a reason you’re being a little coy?” Nick asked, leering, and Ellis grinned at him.

“Are you ready to see Audrey’s outfit for the day?” he asked, practically beaming.

“Oh boy. I’m not sure,” Nick replied, dubiously. Ellis chuckled a little bit, and swooped around the corner to reveal Audrey in a baby’s reindeer outfit, with a little hood that had small, felt antlers attached to it and a cutesy reindeer face. “OH MY GOD.”

“Isn’t it the funniest thing ever?!” Ellis just about sang, holding her up in his arms and grinning from ear to ear.

“Ellis, where did you GET that?!” Nick exclaimed, not sure if he was horrified for their daughter’s dignity or excited to whip out a picture of this on her future prom night just to piss her off.

“I found it at Target!” Ellis replied, tickling her side so she’d laugh and squeal. “I think she looks just darlin’.”

“She looks dopey.”

“You can’t say that about a baby!”

“I just did,” Nick smirked, and walked over to brush her cheeks with his fingers. “So how many gifts does she have under the tree right now?”

“Well from us she has three. From SANTA? I lost count.”

“Jesus.”

They sat on the floor around the tree, and while Nick held Audrey Ellis unwrapped her gifts. While she rolled around playing with her new toys (and the wrapping paper), Nick and Ellis exchanged THEIR gifts, and by the time Rochelle, Francis, and Wednesday had arrived, Audrey was already sleeping on the floor amongst wrapping paper and new stuffed animals.

“So I take it this means she’s too tired for OUR gifts?” Rochelle asked, holding up a bag.

“WHY are you all spoiling her?” Nick asked as he walked towards the kitchen to get things ready. He didn’t want his daughter to turn into a brat, and he knew all too well that toys were a gateway item towards brattiness.

“Because she’s a baby!” Rochelle threw back, going to pick her up despite her sleepiness. “Babies are supposed to be spoiled rotten so they can have SOME joy in life before reality sets in and everything starts to suck.”

“…. Wow,” Wednesday said, throwing herself down on the couch.

“THAT’S what I keep saying!” Francis said, nodding at his girlfriend. “She’s got the right idea.”

“And a Merry Christmas to you guys too,” Ellis chuckled, leaning in the doorway as Rochelle pulled the sleeping girl into her arms. “So just to confirm, when we go out to St. Louis in a few weeks, you guys can take care of Dalton, right?”

“Francis is in charge of that,” Rochelle said, making faces at Audrey as she woke up.

“Why am I in charge of that?!” Francis demanded. “I hate cats!”

“Because taking care of a pet is the first step to us having a baby of our own!” Rochelle snapped right back.

Francis practically sputtered. “WHAT?”

“So yeah, he’ll take care of Dalton,” Rochelle said, ignoring Francis’ sudden abject horror. She carried the baby to Ellis, and smiled at him, knowingly. “Just think, you were so worried when I found you at the bar a couple weeks ago. Now you’re giving her all sorts of gifts and dressing her up like a reindeer.”

“Who said I was the one that did that?” Ellis protested, though he took her right out of Rochelle’s arms and held her close.

“Yes, because I’m sure that NICK is the one who bought her the clothing she’s wearing,” the columnist chuckled as Audrey clutched at Ellis’ shirt and rubbed her face against his shoulder.

Ellis was going to try and protest a bit (even though he knew that it was pointless), but before he could the baby started to fuss, probably upset she’d been awakened from her nap. “Awwww, honeybear, what’s wrong?” he drawled, brushing her forehead. “Niiiick. She’s fussin’!”

Nick came out of the kitchen, and shrugged at him. “So what do you want me to do about it?” he asked, and Ellis pointed to the music player.

“Can you play her song?” he asked.

“Kiddo, I have to keep an eye on the stuff in the oven, can’t she wait, like, ten minutes?” Nick asked, skeptically.

“Nick, c’mon, it won’t take long!” he said, grabbing his fiance’s wrist with his free hand.

“We’re getting treated to a baby concert, hm?” Francis snickered, pointing at Nick. “THIS oughta be good! Are you gonna do something by Raffi, or perhaps Sesame Street?”

“Shut up Francis, “ Nick bit, giving in because 1) Ellis could always convince him through badgering and force, and 2) he was becoming a soft touch for the little girl. “It’s not like that.” He set up the music player, Ellis’ iPod mounted in the speakers, and flipped through to the song he was looking for. “Raffi my ass.”

‘In Your Eyes’ by Peter Gabriel, the song she’d loved since she first met him, began to play on the sound system, and Rochelle and Wednesday both squealed.

“I fucking LOVE this movie!” Wednesday exclaimed, and Rochelle smacked her shoulder.

“Language, there’s a baby here!” she scolded.

Ellis had memorized this song as fast as he could when Nick showed him how much Audrey loved it, so he sang along with it as he bounced her gently. She cooed and reached at his face as he sang, and Nick crossed his arms and watched.

“On her weddin’ day we’re pretty much gonna force her to pick this for the father/daughter dance,” Ellis smiled as she put her hand on his mouth. He pretended to bite her fingers, which just made her laugh all the more. “An’ we’re gonna take turns dancin’ with her.”

“Oh wow, he’s already planning her wedding day,” Rochelle said, standing next to Nick.

“He’s already planning just about everything,” he nodded, chortling. She nudged him in the side, and he looked down at her.

“You really, really lucked out,” she said, matter of factly.

This wasn’t exactly a big secret. Everyone and their mother knew that Nick had hit the jackpot when he met Ellis, and because of that Audrey had hit the jackpot as well. There was no doubt in anyone’s mind that Audrey now had the parent she deserved, the parent that Becky couldn’t be, and didn’t want to be. And Nick just watched the two of them, a content smile growing on his face.

“Yeah, I did,” he agreed, nudging her back.

“Well come on, it’s time to eat soon, I think,” Ellis said, carrying Audrey out of the living room and up to Nick. “I can put her in her highchair an’ help with the last minute trimmin’s if you want?”

“Sure,” Nick nodded. “You guys just get comfortable, I’ll bring out drinks.”

As he and Ellis worked on getting the food in the serving bowls, Nick kept glancing over at Ellis, and Audrey. And as they all ate their Christmas meal, Ellis kept glancing over at him, and her as well.

And by the time that their friends had left and they were putting Audrey in her play pen, the two men looked at each other, and then their daughter as she played with a new rattle. Nick put his arm around the younger man, and sighed contently.

“What?” Ellis asked, slipping his arm around Nick’s waist.

“Nothing, kiddo,” the older man said. “Let’s just… pour some wine, sit by the fire, and watch ‘Scrooged’. Just like last year.”

“Well, not just like last year,” Ellis sighed, slipping his hand in Nick’s. “Better than last year.”

“Yeah,” Nick nodded, agreeing whole-heartedly as Ellis pulled him close and beamed at their child. “Better than last year.”

Ellis paused, and leaned back in to pick her up again.

“Ellis, let her relax!” Nick chided. “You’re going to smother her.”

“Am not! She’s gonna watch the movie with us,” Ellis sniffed, carrying her towards the couch and sitting down decidedly. Nick snorted, and shook his head as he followed.

Ellis set her between the two of them, and both men half watched the movie and half interacted with their baby. When she got fussy, the movie was paused and Peter Gabriel came back on, and as she fell asleep in Nick’s arms while both of them sang along, Nick thought about the idea of a ‘better’ Christmas. This wasn’t just a better Christmas for them. For Nick this was a Christmas with someone he’d known he’d loved for a very long time, and someone he’d never thought he’d have chance or want to love. This was a Christmas where Ellis had finally found the family he’d wanted and dreamed of ever since he was a child, a complete family, with a house, a pet, a spouse and a child.

So they sat with Audrey sleeping on their laps, and their arms around each other, knowing that al the future Christmases would be this way.

Therefore there was only one conclusion to draw. This was the best Christmas. There was no question for either of them.

 

THE END


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